FEELS FRIDAY: Not gifted

Not Gifted

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MUSIC MONDAY: A Head Full of Dreams

So, here’s the thing:  I love Coldplay.  I really do.  I have said more than twice in the past that should they play in the Philippines, I’ll donate blood to earn money and buy a ticket.  Maybe even sell a kidney.  Because I know they’re phenomenal.  I have seen their Glasgow performances.  I have seen people cry at their shows.  I want to f*cking cry at their show.

You know when they decided to play in Manila?  Right when I moved to New Jersey.  YUUUUUUP.  Imagine how much that hurts.  You’ve waited all your life… and just when you thought you came close, Coldplay flies to Manila and played on the year you weren’t there.  It was such a tragedy.

Until it wasn’t.  One night, the Husband and I found ourselves seated at the middle of the second riser of a gigantic stadium, being serenaded by Izzy Bizu and Alunageorge, waiting for that opening explosion that is Coldplay.

The sun was setting and I kept telling him to get ready to be blown away.

The Husband isn’t even as big of a fan as I am, yet when the music started and the lights went up and the people rose, his jaw just dropped open and pretty much stayed that way for the next couple of hours.  It was insane.

I have underestimated the people’s love for heart-wrenching, speak-of-the-truth, spirit-uplifting, life-motivating type of music.  Chris Martin called for the people to put their phones down and just dance, and we all did, and it was a marvelous sight.

I purposely bought a camera for this show.  Still, I ended up not taking that many photos or videos even!  I was just in awe.  This is it, my music idols, the men who are true epitomes of musical artistry just going wild with the crowd as if they haven’t endured an intercontinental flight a couple of nights ago.

Like the true class acts they are, they paid tribute to the late Chester Bennington and gave a soulful rendition of Crawling.  At first, I didn’t recognize the song, but the Husband — a fan of Linkin Park — knew right off the bat that it was the first Linkin Park song he listened to and fell in love with.

This is one of those experiences that have truly humbled me.  The past couple of years have been testaments to how good life can be, and to be frank, most of the time, I feel undeserving of all of these.  But when the lights would change, good music would fill my ears, and I hold the hand of the love of my life, I knew there is no other imaginable possibility but this.

In a crowd of 50,000, I have never felt more visible.  And for the first time ever, I am seeing all this for real and not just in a dream.

Definitely a must see again

TALK TUESDAY: Juliana Louise

One of the things that I have to be most thankful for is the speed technology has evolved in the last decade.  If it weren’t for tablets and the Internet, the husband and I would have had such a struggle maintaining our relationship pre-marriage.  If it weren’t for those nifty gadgets, I would not have had the chance to get to know my nieces and nephews abroad.

Juliana Louise

Waiting for the doctor :)

Juliana is one of my nieces, and I think she’s the first that has grown accustomed to seeing my face on a tablet.  I don’t know how to properly describe it, but it looked to be that it was so normal for her to just see me through her iPad.

She’s visited us in the tropics before but I think the most memorable one was in 2013.  We had just buried Tatay mere weeks then.  I remember that out of body feeling, that everything wasn’t real yet.  But they were coming home.  That, for sure, I was happy about.  I remember asking my boss if I can take half of the day off, since their flight comes in at noon.  My brother Ted already skipped the day to pick them up, and our youngest brother Daniel was right on time to swing by my office.

Juliana Louise 1

Mornings with her, circa 2014

I was a bit nervous coming home; I didn’t know how she’d react upon seeing me.  Even now that I am an adult, I fear rejection so much, especially when it comes from kids.  Something about being disliked by children makes you feel extra crappy than being disliked by adults.  It’s like their senses tell them they cannot trust you.  I was just so nervous.

That anxiety, combined with my grief desperately (but well) hidden, made that day too emotion-ridden.  But you can’t pause days.

It was a hot day, and my mother has laid out a feast of shrimp, beef broth, barbecued pork belly and fresh mangoes for our balikbayans.  Daniel honked the horn as we approached our house, so I knew she’d be aware that someone was coming.  Half sweaty, half sticky, I walked into our house and saw Juliana, then 3 years old, with a huge grin on her face.

“You’re not in an iPad anymore,” she exclaimed.  I walked up to her and she didn’t even hesitate throwing her arms around me.  I swooped her up in my arms and said, “Hi.”

I don’t know about you, but that to me is a perfect meet-cute.

Juliana

Juliana at school, end of 1st Grade. They grow up fast.

TALK TUESDAY: Learning to Drive

Yes.  That title is correct.  I am now learning to drive.

Given that my workplace is about 17 miles away from our house, it has become evident that I have no other choice but learn to drive.  For a while, I braved it out, commuting and enjoying the scheduled service of NJ Transit buses.  But after some time, the Husband just made me admit it:  you have to learn to drive.

So I went to the local DMV and took the test… and failed.  HAHAHAHA.  That has to be one of the funniest curve balls ever.  I studied so hard for the test that I became too confident and too doubtful of what I’ve learned.  Second time did it for me though, and since then, the Husband has just been breathing down my neck, making sure I look before I switch and turn, reminding me to turn my lights on, and signaling me to slow down before approaching a wide curve.

I have to admit though, it has been very challenging to listen to instruction.  I don’t mean that I do not like following the Husband’s instructions; it’s just hard for me to accept that this is something I do not know.  For every deep breath he takes, I automatically think that I did something disappointing.  Every time I notice him grip his seat a little tighter, my head goes “what did I do wrong now” almost immediately.  The moment I think I’m doing well, I screw something up.  And not just something minor.  It’s in the levels of stopping inside an intersection box height of screwing something up.

With my work having summer hours every Friday, I have to take Lyft or Uber to get home (since the bus has limited service in our area).  I take that opportunity to ask about how they learned how to drive.  Then I tell them it doesn’t make sense to me that I can make a perfect left turn and cannot make a right turn to save my life.  They will tell me to line up my rear lights with the other cars front lights when parallel parking.  They will tell me when in doubt, stay on the right.  And there is always one lesson that these drivers have told me over and over:  it takes time.

That…. is a hard lesson to learn.  For someone who always wants to finish first, I constantly pray for the patience I need to just learn to drive.  The roads won’t always be a friend, the streets will always be too narrow, there will always be people crossing.  The sooner I accept that, maybe the sooner I can adhere to the rules of the road.

Well… time will tell right?  Until then, I have to bear with these stickers all over my bumper.

Student Driver