August recap: Could be better, definitely worse

Nothing much has changed.  In fact, nothing changed at all.  My seemingly constant state of unemployment left me with so much time in my hands, I managed to learn how to properly cook.  By properly, I mean every time I repeat a dish, it tastes the same.  Of course, there are awkward moments — measuring stuff here and there, trying to pronunce "cayenne" properly, finding the right ingredients — but so far, it’s all good.  I’m glad that even though I don’t bring any income in the house, they still have a use for me.

This month’s highlight would be… meeting two women who are similarly different.

A couple of weeks ago, I was supposed to meet this woman.  She’s supposed to proxy for my cousin’s best friend’s son’s baptism (whew) since my cousin is in the US.  We were supposed to meet at the mall closest to the chapel because I have my cousin’s gift.  (Being a member of my church, we are not allowed to become godmothers/fathers at baptisms, hence me asking help from her.)  I thought we already had an agreement until someone from her end called me (thirty minutes beyond our meeting time, way past the hour) to say that she won’t be coming.  Apparently, a wardrobe malfunction disabled her to come.  Therefore, I was left alone in the mall for the rest of the morning and because it was raining like hell, I can’t even go home. 

This woman… well.  I do know how to begin describing her, but I don’t know how not to be personal about it.  She’s smart.  She’s funny.  And for all those who know her, they can say she’s lovable.  But she has a lot of maturing to do.  Up to now, she hasn’t apologized to me.  I don’t think she has apologized to those who "contributed" to her "wardrobe malfunction".  And frankly speaking, I am disappointed.

Lessons learned:
If you can’t show up to meet someone, tell that someone yourself.   
If you didn’t tell it yourself, apologize.
Apologize soon.  Don’t act as if the incident never happened.  It did.
A small change can make all the difference. 

This other woman, I have been friends with for the past six years of my life.  Can’t say she’s easy to handle.  Boy, does she open a can of worms or what.  Just this week, she had another mishap with her company — and a costly mishap at that.  Rumor has it she might be termed for it.  I can’t say I’m proud to know it; but I can’t entirely blame it on her.

Just like the first woman, she’s smart, able and adorable.  She’s very friendly too.  But apparently, she doesn’t have a strong gut.  From what I heard, her supervisor has been pegging her for the past months.  I told her to report him to the powers that be, so that the issue will be resolved soon.  Either that or resign (she claims not to be happy with her job anymore).  Well, neither of the two happened, and now she’s in (for the lack of a better term) deep shit.

Lessons learned:
Speak.  You have a tongue and intellect because you can talk with reason.  So speak.
Speak up.  It won’t count if you’re just talking in your head.  Someone (and I mean the right person) should hear it.
You are responsible for your happiness.  Not your paycheck.  Not your boss.  Just you.
The choices that we make will shape the decisions we’ll face in the future.
Choose wisely.

They’re the same because they know their worth.  They’re different because one thinks she’s worth so much and the latter thinks she’s just halfway there.  How we perceive ourselves as individuals will always reflect how we treat and perceive other people.  Everything is in our control; we just forget that.  We claim that everything is controlled by fate, that everything is destined, that everything happens because it’s our fortune.  It doesn’t work that way, at least not for me. 

Everything in your life is your choice, your decision.  You are always presented with options, from showing up at the right time to speaking up and justifying your actions.  From the simplest chores to the most complicated apologies.  Everything is at the palm of our hands.  We just wave our hands too carelessly.

Humans are the only kind who kill their own species.

I first heard this line from a Robin Williams movie back in 1998 where he plays a former patient wanting to become a doctor.  It was somewhere between his love being killed off by one of their patients when he started doubting the human ability to show compassion.

Who could blame him?

I spent the week in Antipolo with Marga and Bianca, probably two of my most favorite people.  It was Wednesday morning when Marga told me that one of her (Assumption) sisters was shot in the head after a holdup.  From what I first learned, her laptop was stolen and she was trying to take it back, almost like a tug of war.  Never did she think that it would be a tug away from being the longest episode of her life.

I don’t know this girl, but the familiarity of the situation made me know her.  One of her teachers back in high school wrote this bittersweet piece for her (click here) recounting the longest morning of Tara Santelices.  She was with her best friend when the ordeal happened, on their way home to Cainta.  After hearing the gunshot, inspite of her best friend’s evident panic, the jeepney driver still opted to let the passengers get off according to their destination.  When they got to the clinic, the driver left them.  Joee, Tara’s best friend, has to scream to get some attention.  The clinic refused to admit them because they can’t help Tara.  Joee had to carry Tara to the cab, all of her 5’2″ strength.

The time… it’s almost nauseating how much time was wasted.  How much energy Tara could have saved.  How much hope Joee could have still had. 

Is this statement really true?  Are we the only species who kill our own kind?  Are we, the ones granted the greatest gift of rationale, the ones who can’t even think straight? 

It’s a big question for a Sunday morning, and I apologize for those who’d be bothered.  But we should be bothered.  We should be aware.  We have become practical, too practical in fact that we lost the things that we should value the most.

Compassion.  Strength.  Courage.

Can we blame the robber who was trying to make ends meet?  Can we blame the driver for trying to meet his boundary and bring home a somewhat okay wage?  Can we blame the passengers for rushing home to their families?  Can we blame Tara and Joee for being out to celebrate a milestone in Tara’s life? 

In the end, it only comes down to that one moment, that one minute where you put compassion on top of earning, going home, and making a living.  That one moment, that one small moment, will define who you really are as a person.

Funny how two ladies turned out to be a cut above the rest.

To Joee, you’re the best friend a person can ever have.
To Tara, the fight isn’t over.

Random ramblings

Marga and I are having problems nailing a job.  We got so excited and hyped over the thought of emancipation and owning our very own house, we get easily frustrated when a job interview goes to nowhere.

Has anyone noticed how hard it is to nail day jobs?  It’s like looking for a hooker who looks like Angelina Jolie (without the pregnant belly).  I know for a fact I can’t work nights anymore.  My mom is petrified at the thought of having my seizures again.*  So here I am, desperately seeking that next day job and hopefully be satisfied with it.

*When I lack sleep and adequate rest, I get partial seizures.  My entire left arm goes numb and so does the left side of my face.  Fuh-reaaaaky.

I took a good look at my resume and saw that it’s been two years since I graduated and I am yet to settle down.  I mean, loyally work for a company.  I guess that’s what makes job hunting twice as hard:  I actually want to grow this time, not just to have money to buy shoes (though that will always and forever be a valid reason to do physical labor).  I actually want to get somewhere. 

I am close to desperate actually.  This morning, I posted this on my Y!M status:  I am sooo jobless.  In a flash, everyone in my list just started asking for my CV, saying they’ll find me one in their company.  A grade school friend, whom I haven’t seen for the past 10 years, actually offered me a job in her mom’s company.  Damn.  Desperate is the word.

Dylan is actually settled now.  He’s having a perfectly good time at ePerformax, which to be honest,  I am beginning to envy.  HOWEVER, it’s the first time that I actually saw him willing and enthusiastic in a job.  From what he tells me, he seems to have pretty good peers to.  But he did emphasize that there’s nothing like our wave in CVG.  Yeah.

Just this afternoon, he told me he wants to be a trainer in the company.  Whoa.  Talk about longevity and permanence.  I’m pretty proud of him.  It’s actually his first time to set a goal/career path.  He usually just does what his parents tell him.  I guess that’s what emancipation does to a person.



WHICH IS WHY I CAN’T WAIT TO BE EMANCIPATED!

But that is such a long shot.  I have come to terms that the average Filipino family has too many debts, they can’t afford losing one of the contributors in the household income.  I don’t mind.  Giving my share every pay day actually makes me feel better.  I can see the ease my parents get every time I hand them the slice of my pie, and to be honest, it’s nice to see that I somehow bring comfort to them.

Of course, that last happened a couple of months ago because right now, I am UNEMPLOYED.

Sheesh. 

I’m going to Makati tomorrow with a vengeance.

Don’t forget to watch this year’s Cinemalaya!  It’s will absolutely be the best experience you’ll have this year. :)  From what I’ve heard, tickets are at P100. :)