pensive

To die by your side

/ iamsupercarla / Leave a comment

Currently trying to relax my body and my mind as I sip my favorite cup of coffee from Coffee Bean.  To those who say Starbucks is better, I challenge that statement.  Coffee Bean’s homely feel and bolder taste make you cherish the coffee, not the sugar.  I say Starbucks is for noobs, Coffee Bean is for the real coffee lover.  Or caffeine lover.  Whichever may prove to be applicable to you.

I’ve been with this little guy for the past three RLEs already.  It’s quite funny how it rejuvenates me.  Like right now.  I was just out shopping, or doing my last minute shopping that is, and we still ended up here.  I realized I haven’t started on my presentation yet, which by the way is due tomorrow.  Then, after a swig of their mocha latte and fifteen minutes later, I am done.  Of course it’s not as perfect, but that’s what the mornings are there for — proofreading. :)

I know it’s wrong to attribute such to the power of caffeine.  One way or another, my mind had something to do with that.  But right now, I can’t help but put a little faith on outside energies to help me get what I want, or at least achieve the ones I want to.  There are so many stresses in my life right now, and it couldn’t have come at a worse time like the year end.  I just hope I survive it better than I should.  I just have to keep reminding myself of the instances that brought me here, and how significant they are, in spite of the pain they inflicted upon me.

Well, it’s emo time again, and I hate it when that time comes.  It just reminds me of my impending doom — growing old.  The drama comes with the age I guess.  I mean, there can’t be any other explanation as to why you suddenly start contemplating the repercussions of your life choices.  There is no other indication that you are indeed becoming more aware of how your decisions affect your status.  You are, or rather I am, growing old.

I just hope that wisdom comes in a warm coffee cup too.

    

They taped over your mouth, scribbled out the truth with their lies.

/ iamsupercarla / Leave a comment

So yesterday was quite a hard day.  I did not do anything at all.  At all.  In spite of knowing the deadlines and the things I had to accomplish by tomorrow, the things that the branch head has to sign before saying that we’ve completed our internship, I did not do a single thing.  It’s quite annoying actually, knowing all these deadlines and reports and not doing anything about it.  But hey, the time has passed and there’s nothing much that I can do about it.

Yesterday was not a good day at all.  I had to confront my dad about his frequent absences at home.  He’s coughing again, meaning he’s smoking again.  It’s quite unbelievable when you realized that a heart attack is not a good-enough wake-up call for some people.  I was not able to control myself, much more my tongue.  I told him that I hate the fact that we are the ones who always have to wait for him.  We’re family and yet we’re the ones who always have to wait.  I told him that he’s an old dog and he can’t seem to learn anything at this point.  I told him that if he does not show up in the next ten minutes, we’re leaving without him.

I’m quite lucky that he did not blow his top.  I mean, if my kid talked to me like that, i would have slapped the living hell out of her.  But you see, I have a good point.  A good solid point.  It’s been barely a month since his heart attack.  The doctor gave us a lot of restrictions and explained the heart attack was brought about by his years — or rather, decades — of smoking.  Lesser salt and fat in diet, no carbonated drinks, lesser caffeine, lesser physical work load, absolutely no smoking. 

Sheesh.  I understand that there are a lot of restrictions and that they’re quite hard to follow in a second, but if you want to live to walk me down the aisle or to see your grandchildren, follow them.  If not, kill yourself and save us from the cost of medication and emotional stress.  There’s only black and white; there is no gray area when it comes to health care.  Either you do it or you don’t.  And if you have three kids about to work their asses off to give you a comfortable life, you freaking do it.  No questions asked.

These are the times when you actually have to listen to someone younger.  I don’t understand why that may be offensive for some, especially when that someone younger makes more sense than you. 

This afternoon, my brother Ted and I are going back to Greenhills to finish the last bits of our holiday shopping.  With the Susi reunion at the end of the year, we have to come up with, say, 23 gifts under 5 hours.  I think I got him addicted to shopping, especially when we shopped for 19 gifts on the eve of Christmas.  I don’t know how we were able to do it, but we did it, and I cannot believe it.  Who knows?  We might be able to do it again today.

And I received my first original Coach this Christmas.  At least that’s something to be really happy about.  Not just the Coach.  It’s the fact that in spite of growing old, I still get good gifts.  Haha.

It’s the holidays. Yay.

/ iamsupercarla / Leave a comment

Actually, it’s no longer the holidays.  More like holiday left overs.  Spent Christmas with the Arriola clan in Tita Leonor’s house in Happyville, but it was hardly happy.  For one, my cousin slash look-a-like Donna was not able to come.  Apparently, she had to work on Christmas.  That’s the downfall of being a nurse; never really getting to celebrate holidays.

Kudos to Dylan though because he managed to swing by later that afternoon.  I think we’re doing better now.

—

Patrick Sebastian called about twice yesterday, asking about our Module 300 paper.  I can feel him pimping his paper, and I somewhat feel guilty for not doing the same.  In a way, it’s starting to feel like I am resting on my laurels and my mad skills as a writer (yes, I said it, so sue me).  But on the other hand, I am starting to feel under prepared for this whole thing. 

Supposedly, we will submit our three-page paper and presentation on the 29th after the branch head reads and evaluates it on the 28th.  I know those dates are pretty close already but still, I haven’t even gotten started on the presentation yet.  Worse, I want to repeat my entire paper.  It feels so uninspired and inadequate.  My friends keep telling me I should refrain from doing that, finishing something only to start from scratch.  They say, I am no longer a "struggling artist" that can junk everything in a blink and start over.  They say, I am no longer an unexpressed individual.  I now have the reigns to my own life and choices that must be made either out of responsibility and obligation.

I say, that’s quite a mouthful.

So instead of preparing the presentation as I originally planned, here I am, blogging away.  If my batch mates from the program could see me now, they just might shake their heads in disappointment, if not in disbelief.

—

Let’s make this a more fruitful blog.  From this point forward, I will do my best to put up reviews of literature I’ve read.  Now this will compel me to read more.  Ha.  What a good way to end the year. :)

It’s the holidays. Yay.

/ iamsupercarla / Leave a comment

Actually, it’s no longer the holidays.  More like holiday left overs.  Spent Christmas with the Arriola clan in Tita Leonor’s house in Happyville, but it was hardly happy.  For one, my cousin slash look-a-like Donna was not able to come.  Apparently, she had to work on Christmas.  That’s the downfall of being a nurse; never really getting to celebrate holidays.

Kudos to Dylan though because he managed to swing by later that afternoon.  I think we’re doing better now.

—

Patrick Sebastian called about twice yesterday, asking about our Module 300 paper.  I can feel him pimping his paper, and I somewhat feel guilty for not doing the same.  In a way, it’s starting to feel like I am resting on my laurels and my mad skills as a writer (yes, I said it, so sue me).  But on the other hand, I am starting to feel under prepared for this whole thing. 

Supposedly, we will submit our three-page paper and presentation on the 29th after the branch head reads and evaluates it on the 28th.  I know those dates are pretty close already but still, I haven’t even gotten started on the presentation yet.  Worse, I want to repeat my entire paper.  It feels so uninspired and inadequate.  My friends keep telling me I should refrain from doing that, finishing something only to start from scratch.  They say, I am no longer a "struggling artist" that can junk everything in a blink and start over.  They say, I am no longer an unexpressed individual.  I now have the reigns to my own life and choices that must be made either out of responsibility and obligation.

I say, that’s quite a mouthful.

So instead of preparing the presentation as I originally planned, here I am, blogging away.  If my batch mates from the program could see me now, they just might shake their heads in disappointment, if not in disbelief.

—

Let’s make this a more fruitful blog.  From this point forward, I will do my best to put up reviews of literature I’ve read.  Now this will compel me to read more.  Ha.  What a good way to end the year. :)