tina fey

Okay, so I needed an extra day to process the variety of dresses that sashayed down the red carpet at the 84th Academy Awards over the weekend. I am psyched at the fantastic polarities — Meryl Streep finally winning again after 17 nominations, silent film The Artist bagging Best Direction, Best Actor and Best Picture — but mostly, I am very happy with the differences in dresses!

I took a day to group them into three: YAY for the ones that hit it out of the ball park, NAY for the ones that just failed on the spot, FENCE for the ones I neither hate nor like. I’m not really on good authority to judge any, but come on. This is one of the joys of being a spectator! All of a sudden, you become a fashion guru and start telling yourself “No that doesn’t suit her” or “That is so not flattering for her body type” or “I KNEW she’s look good on marbley yellow!”

Here are the YAYs:

This Tom Ford piece made Gwyneth Paltrow look like a statuette herself! Absolutely loved the elegance and simplicity.

The perfect picture of the girl-next-door, Cameron Diaz in this Gucci dress just floated. The asymmetrical ruffling and the semi-athletic bodice fit her personality well. Rachel Zoe, fantastic styling!

Penelope Cruz always manages to break out in the dreamiest dresses, now in Armani Prive. I think most girls would imagine wearing something like this on a big ball night.

Tadashi Shoji knew exactly how to emphasize Octavia Spencer’s figure and beauty. She looked like a winner right off the bat. It’s not a wonder she ended up winning the ‘hottest man in the room’.

I remember Rooney Mara as Mark Zuckerberg’s girlfriend in The Social Network, but since she became The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, her style just grew exponentially. She transformed to this fashion forward femme, this time in Givenchy, just like how Anne Hathaway become the Chanel girl after The Devil Wears Prada.

Viola Davis stepped out for the first time in her natural hair donning two of my favorites: Vera Wang and the color green.

I love love love love love polka dots! So when Natalie Portman showed off this micro dotted Vintage Christian Dior, I just died. And it’s red! Talk about power color! And did she seriously gave birth?! Super fan mode on.

Oh Mila Jovovich. I just want to bite your shoulder and lick your wounds clean. Hahahaha. She’s so hot here, in Elie Saab Couture. Ladies, it is so hard to get it wrong with Elie Saab. I think most of my dream dresses are from this designer!

Tina Fey looked such a classic cool mom in Carolina Herrera.

Michelle Williams, here in Louis Vuitton, chose such a daring color! I don’t know if Pantone will consider this as tangerine tango, but damn! Orange looks amazing here. This woman really knows how to dress in color. Remember her yellow dress a few years back? That can easily be the next timeless piece.

Filipino designer Monique Lhuillier made Judy Greer look like she’s dripping in everything delicious and shiny. This column dress is so modern and amazing! Instantly slimming too. :)

And of course, my absolute favorite of the night…

Emma Stone in Giambattista Valli. The color. The hair. The lip. The jewelry. That fucking amazing bow. Ah. She’s so gorgeous. This funny lady just knows how to eat fashion for breakfast. AH. MAZE. BALLS.

So yeah. Those are my favorite Oscar dresses. What are yours? :)

I have always known Tina Fey’s wit and pure genius will somehow be the direct reflection of women everywhere. Or in this case, mothers. Here’s her prayer to God for her daughter.

“First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches.

May she be Beautiful but not Damaged, for it’s the Damage that draws the creepy soccer coach’s eye, not the Beauty.

When the Crystal Meth is offered, may she remember the parents who cut her grapes in half And stick with Beer.

Guide her, protect her when crossing the street, stepping onto boats, swimming in the ocean, swimming in pools, walking near pools, standing on the subway platform, crossing 86th Street, stepping off of boats, using mall restrooms, getting on and off escalators, driving on country roads while arguing, leaning on large windows, walking in parking lots, riding Ferris wheels, roller-coasters, log flumes, or anything called “Hell Drop,” “Tower of Torture,” or “The Death Spiral Rock ‘N Zero G Roll featuring Aerosmith,” and standing on any kind of balcony ever, anywhere, at any age.

Lead her away from Acting but not all the way to Finance. Something where she can make her own hours but still feel intellectually fulfilled and get outside sometimes And not have to wear high heels. What would that be, Lord? Architecture? Midwifery? Golf course design? I’m asking You, because if I knew, I’d be doing it, Youdammit.

May she play the Drums to the fiery rhythm of her Own Heart with the sinewy strength of her Own Arms, so she need Not Lie With Drummers.

Grant her a Rough Patch from twelve to seventeen.Let her draw horses and be interested in Barbies for much too long, For childhood is short – a Tiger Flower blooming Magenta for one day – And adulthood is long and dry-humping in cars will wait.

O Lord, break the Internet forever, that she may be spared the misspelled invective of her peers And the online marketing campaign for Rape Hostel V: Girls Just Wanna Get Stabbed.

And when she one day turns on me and calls me a Bitch in front of Hollister, Give me the strength, Lord, to yank her directly into a cab in front of her friends, For I will not have that Shit. I will not have it.

And should she choose to be a Mother one day, be my eyes, Lord, that I may see her, lying on a blanket on the floor at 4:50 A.M., all-at-once exhausted, bored, and in love with the little creature whose poop is leaking up its back. “My mother did this for me once,” she will realize as she cleans feces off her baby’s neck. “My mother did this for me.” And the delayed gratitude will wash over her as it does each generation and she will make a Mental Note to call me. And she will forget. But I’ll know, because I peeped it with Your God eyes.

Amen.”

-Tina Fey

What a gem of a lady. :)

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