it’s amazing how one can be so consumed with anger that logic and rationale is out of the question.

have you ever felt that way?  felt so angry that you know no one else would understand, and you wouldn’t dare reveal the very core of it as it will definitely consume the one you are angry with?  amazing.  i don’t know if it’s the good kind of amazing or the bad kind, but it is nonetheless amazing.

i have come to wonder why we let go of something that we have invested for.  sometimes, i just pressume that everything would have a reason and that optimism makes you understand better.  but when friendships are broken, families torn down even before they are built, relationships lied to, not to mention vows of never leaving the other ligners everytime you enter the corner of your bedroom, you might as well think twice.

i don’t know if i’ll ever get over the anger with jep.  or if dylan will ever get over his anger with jep.  or jep with dylan.  disappointment and frustration overwhelms the character most of the time, and it won’t be that much of a confusion why we are suddenly equipped with the words that justify those emotions.

a lot has been said, and everyone is wounded.  sometimes, i think that it’s because we are clouded by the impossibility of reconciliation that’s why we go out of our way to release that fervent feeling right below our guts.  how everyone will heal, i really don’t know.  hopefully, it will unfold soon enough.

most of our actions are hypocritical.  we pray for the truth to set us free, yet we don’t welcome it in our homes.  we pray that there be peace, but our hearts hinder us from getting there.  when then can we stop being fake to ourselves and reveal ourselves at the core of who we really are?  we all need someone to look up to, someone to be there for, someone to help us out.  without needing we lose the sole purpose of our being here, and we lose our grasp of reality that we once confounded ourselves to.

maybe these are just vagaries of perception, as agent smith would say it, but nonetheless, something bitter.  i pray for healing and understanding because only then will we be able to see the truth as something more than just in need of acceptance, but also of character.