Stress did not even lessen as the days passed.  I can’t even wrap my head around the idea that by the end of the week, I am educated in math, accounting and financial analysis.  I cannot even say "more educated" because I was not educated in the first place.  I thought one of the primary reasons why I took up liberal arts and broadcast journalism is because of it’s almost being completely devoid of math and arithmetics.  Then, I get here, the right place in my life right now, the right career path after a long three years, and I face the things I have come to fear the most.

It’s quite overwhelming; learning all these things is really taking a toll on me.  Then again, everything about this training program is taking a toll on me.  Most mornings, i wake up and stare in space, wondering how the hell did I get here.  Am I here because my parents wanted me to? Am I here because I have nowhere else to go?  Am I here because I am supposed to be here?  Sometimes, it’s still hard to imagine how hard I’ve pushed myself just to get an average grade.  I’ve never been average.  I can’t help feeling mediocre.  I can’t help feeling insecure.

The good part about this week is Patrick’s constant sharing with his current infatuation.  I don’t know if I should even label it as infatuation, since he seems to be seriously pursuing this one.  I like the fact that I have found a confidante in him; I like the fact that I too have become a keeper of his secrets.  The best part about his current flame?  It reminded me of mine.

I didn’t realize how much I’ve taken Dylan for granted until I heard Patrick talk about his flame.  The short calls, relishing the voice on the other line, can’t wait to text, can’t wait to reply and the unwipe-able smile across the face… it’s been a while since I’ve exhibited a minute level of enthusiasm when it comes to my partner of almost four years.  I refuse to believe that I have gotten weary when it comes to my relationship.  So, when the family went to do the grocery, I picked up this fantastic postcard off Carabao Island in Romblon.  It made me realize that this is the one thing we haven’t done:  go out of town.

I wish we can find the time to actually do it.  I don’t think there hasn’t been an opportunity for us to completely detach ourselves from life’s realities.  I don’t know when we can find the time to do so.  Whenever that may take place, I am sure that I only want to share that view with him.  I miss him.  I miss us.

Lately, he’s been spending more time with me.  I like it.  It means he’s more in control of his schedule.  It means he can cope with his schedule better.  It means I am getting better in time management.  It means we’re working on our relationship.  It means our relationship works.  And to actually say that out loud — and put it in print — makes me feel very good and hopeful of the future that is in store for us.

I love us.  I love us.