My Strong Opinion

REPOST: Thank you for the cheesecake.

/ iamsupercarla / 1 Comment

I was looking through my notes on Facebook and I stumbled upon this old thing I wrote about a year ago.  I remember being in a coffee place and feeling all these things, so maybe you can be transported in a coffee place and feel all these things too.  Enjoy.

————–

It’s a Friday night and I am surprised by the lack of people in the city. Usually, the city is alive on Friday nights, with people itching to escape an entire week’s worth of work, an entire week’s worth of arguments and senseless topics over tasteless luncheons and rushed breakfasts. Usually, the city is alive on a Friday night. But not tonight. At least, not tonight.

There are people. They walk around, boys with their big hoodies attempting to appear ghetto and “cool”, girls with their high-pitched voices and emo punk hair do that often make their morena skin look dirtier than it actually is. There are men and women in their business attire, some with a group of high school friends, others sitting intimately with their partners, whispering the day’s aggravations over cold coffee and a shared pastry. Everyone wants to keep their money to themselves nowadays.

Continue reading →

To die by your side is such a heavenly way to die

/ iamsupercarla / Leave a comment

¿Para qué vale la pena, valió la pena todo el tiempo.

It’s the Spanish translation of one of my favorite song lines ever.  It’s not new, that’s for sure, but for me, it was that memorable.

I don’t know why lately I’ve been quite melodramatic about how the state of the “Carla” is going.  There are just some realities that cut to close to the eye, and there’s no stopping it because it happening is just a matter-of-fact.

Take for example Dylan’s IELTS review.  He’s taking it in preparation for his overseas employment.  We’ve already talked about this; it is actually one of the more practical talks that we’ve had for a long time.  Upon completing the first year in his contract, he will start preparing all the necessary documentation and licenses needed for overseas employment.  We have targeted the UK for him, mainly because of the NHS and how they don’t choose who to cure (oh yes).  When he heard about the gravity of the taxes there, well, it’s an understatement to say that he was discouraged.

There’s something about that plan that breaks my heart; I am yet again going to be left behind.  Although I know the reasons (and they are really good reasons) for his departure, it doesn’t make my heartbreak any less bearable.

I told him to just bear the taxes.  I want him to actually help people.  The only instance that I felt that kick from him, that accomplished kick of being an ER nurse, was when they tried to save a 22-year-old guy with the younger brother waiting at the wings.  Whichever country he goes to, he and his immediate family will always have the same healthcare benefits.  What I want him to have is the liberty to care for anyone who needs it.  Without that, the only difference would be higher pay.

The guy didn’t make it.  And Dylan is once again confronted by man’s mortality.

Most of the time, I am thankful that his occupation often has brushes (actually, laps and laps and laps) with death.  He lives happier now, takes care of himself better, looks out for others more cautiously… and I believe I have to be thankful for what he does.  There are off days of course, but they no longer last as long as they used to.

There are far more things that trouble my mind, apart from Dylan’s impending departure.  I’m trying to be as pragmatic about everything as I can be, but then again, my melodramatic side can only change so much.

Okay, I’m skirting off to work now.  Toodles.

Wild, encumbered, bewildered

/ iamsupercarla / Leave a comment

Though the week has barely started, I am already experiencing severe cases of rageaholism.  So may I just be random today, especially that I am blogging at an hour that is not of my choosing?

1. Excuse you, but I am not hard-headed.  I freaking comply every single rule imposed upon me.  There is only ONE condition to that:  I HAVE TO UNDERSTAND IT.  Is it my fault that I cannot understand why corporate=black for you?  You cannot rebrand a company just by changing the facade of a building, you have to change the people as well.  It’s not leaving culture and tradition behind.  It’s merely adding new ones.  It’s called developing.  Learn it.  Live it.  Love it.  Or better, just read up on it.  Then maybe I won’t have a hard time justifying why an institution is spending over a billion pesos on a luxury condominium.

*word vomit*

2. I am not being tough nor am I filled with pride.  Is it too much to ask from anyone that maybe this time, they can consider me?  I know what I did (and I did that on purpose, unfortunately) that made a person hurt as much as a person can.  But does that other person know or at least, is that person considerate enough to acknowledge doing something of the same effect?  I’ve been looking out for person after person after person all my life.  Maybe this time, you all can consider looking out for me.

*word vomit*

3.  You are probably the only thing that keeps me sane in my life right now and I am having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that you will have to go away soon in order to actually make a living.  But I am comforted by the ideas and plans that you have for your future… and how those plans include me.

*word vomit*

Okaaay.  I believe I am officially bulimic.  So much for a great lunch.

It has turned to indifference.

/ iamsupercarla / Leave a comment

Elie Wiesel once said, the opposite of love is not hate, but indifference.  For the past days, I believe I am unloving.  And there’s nothing I can do about it.

I want to be the big ambiguous piece of everything that just floats around.

Wouldn’t that be amazing.  Wouldn’t that be poetic.  Wouldn’t that be real.

Can I not be angry anymore?  There is nothing to mitigate the anger.  Fuel keeps flowing.

Tuning out now.

Just a quick post

/ iamsupercarla / Leave a comment

It’s funny because you’re supposed to be with someone wiser.  And yet that someone can’t seem to identify the fine line between being romantic and being stupid.  Now, you’re in hot water, one of the biggest messes you’ve been in for a while, all because you told yourself your heart is smarter than your head.

Sometimes, you just can’t defy logic like that.  Sometimes, you just have to be smart.  And polite.  And responsible.  Just so you don’t have to come home to a good bucket of yelling.

That’s all.