We continuously brave the rain and the temperamental weather here in the Philippines. When Typhoon Glenda (International Name: Rammasun) hit last week, it left my neighborhood almost 6 days with no power. Although I am a big fan of rains and storms, I am not a fan of power outage.
I do admit however, that I could have been more graceful. Looking back now, I can’t even imagine how trivial my concerns are when planes are either being shot down or crashing left and right.
I woke up to the news of MH017 shot down, and already I felt awful for Malaysian Airlines. I tried to follow the news as much as I can, but yeah, it does not get better. Nations point fingers left and right, so when Newsweek publishes this article about Malaysian Prime Minister Najib Razak and his quiet move to gain access and retrieve the bodies, I am then filled with envy as our own nation leaders lack the silence and humility required when faced with such challenging circumstance.
This is the part that I really loved in this article:
Sometimes, we must work quietly in the service of a better outcome.
I wish most people think this way.
To the families of MH370, MH17, and AH5017, my sincerest condolences. May you find peace amid these chaos.
This moment also happens to be the saddest moment of my life. My father died on 21 January 2013, 12 days after my birthday. We buried him 6 days later. It wasn’t until his body was buried six feet under did I take a close look at all my relationships: the one I’m with, my friends, my family. It was a rude awakening.
It wasn’t that he wasn’t good to me. It wasn’t that he wasn’t kind. It was the lost wonder, the humility that comes with feeling a sense of disbelief that this person is with you. The how-did-I-get-so-lucky feeling. The I-cannot-believe-she-chose-me feeling. That one went out the window quite a long time ago, and it took three wheelbarrows of dirt and a hole in the ground to make myself finally admit that.
I have lost touch with the oldest of friends so much that if they did not insist on being present in my life, I won’t insist on their presence too. That was one of the worst decisions I’ve made, because at my lowest low, my friends were the first one to rally with me. I am blessed.
My brothers were hesitant to depend on me, but when our father passed, they knew they can count on me for anything. Some may say this kind of dependence should not be present anymore when you get older, but I do not mind. I want my brothers to need me as much as I need them.
I realized too that the strongest person in the room — actually in most rooms — is either my mother or my grandmother. I can only hope to grow up as strong willed as them.
So… I packed my bags for a quick staycation with my best friend and sister Marga, a quick trip to Cebu with another friend, went back to school, worked my butt off, and reclaimed the love that was never lost in the first place.
It is sad that my father cannot see that I am at my happiest, even though work sucks most days and school is hard. Still, my heart has never been happier, more content, and more at home with it belonging to one man and to all the people I have pulled back in my life.
Oh how glorious it is to be loved by the man who wishes to carry your baggage with you. <3