you know how other people claim to be fine when they’re really not?  and then the people surrounding that other people keeps on asking if they’re okay when in fact they already know they’re not?  and that the same set of people ask you what’s wrong without really thinking that it would only make the other people relive that particular moment in their life that made them not okay all over again?

i hate it when that happens.

finals for the production and directing broadcast news and public affairs programs are up and coming.  actually i am in school right now and well, we’re about to do a rundown of the things to be produced on friday in just a bit.  my muscles are tensed and i haven’t had any sleep yet from last night (i was up all night doing a four-point criticism of the fantasy oriented television series, one local and one foreign).  i can’t eat (skipped breakfast) mainly because i feel like i’m going to throw up because i am so damn nervous.

i wish someone was here to calm me down.  really.  not that i am being bitter or anything.  like most people say, life goes on, even after the wheel turns.  but i am just being true to myself.  i need someone to watch over me, just like that song back in the olden days.  and right now, i don’t think i have that…

… though it may seem i am requesting for one, somehow this event in my life says that i should learn how to plant my own two feet, you know without having to depend on someone (especially a man) to be the source of my sanity.  i have to admit though, that for a girl who has had a three-year relationship, followed by a year-and-some-months LDR, it’s going to be pretty tough.

i guess i am still pretty much fixated at the thought of always having my knight in shining armor with me.  and now that no one’s parading my gate, there is some need for self-actualization to face that fact and accept it, even if sometimes knowing that no one is there to take care of you emotionally is a bitter pill to swallow.

  promised he would always be there for me.  but i can’t hold on promises anymore.  sometimes, i don’t even believe in them.  maybe because there have been too many instances wherein promises were broken right in front of me.  although i do give major props for those who live up to their words, i know now for a fact that i can’t always lean on something so vague as words.  sure they can be powerful; but you see, it’s that power entailed in those words that makes me fear them the most.  they can hurt as much as they can heal.  i don’t think i’m willing to take that risk again.

i probably sound like a nine-year-old, feeding off of disney happy endings, wanting that man to come and sweep me off my feet while saying “c’mon baby, imma treat you right and never leave ya”.

but then again, a girl’s gotta grow up sometimes.

i went to the mall with my very dear friend marge today. yet again, i saw the brand new triumph seamless bra for P1,499.75.

holy crap.

James Blunt – You’re Beautiful Lyrics My life is brilliant. My love is pure. I saw an angel. Of that I’m sure. She smiled at me on the subway. She was with another man. But I won’t lose no sleep on that, ‘Cause I’ve got a plan. You’re beautiful. You’re beautiful. You’re beautiful, it’s true. I saw you face in a crowded place, And I don’t know what to do, ‘Cause I’ll never be with you. Yeah, she caught my eye, As we walked on by. She could see from my face that I was, Fucking high, And I don’t think that I’ll see her again, But we shared a moment that will last till the end. You’re beautiful. You’re beautiful. You’re beautiful, it’s true. I saw you face in a crowded place, And I don’t know what to do, ‘Cause I’ll never be with you. You’re beautiful. You’re beautiful. You’re beautiful, it’s true. There must be an angel with a smile on her face, When she thought up that I should be with you. But it’s time to face the truth, I will never be with you.

i heard this song over mtv.  gawd, i would be soooo enchanted if a guy would sing this to me.  a straight one for that matter.

i hate writer’s block.  i have papers, scripts and critiques due tomorrow and i haven’t written a single word.  damn my procrastinating.

procrastinators unite!!!………tomorrow.