Kicking off the week is a great kick off.

/ iamsupercarla / 2 Comments

I took a trip down memory lane and decided to reread all of the little things we were able to collect on PACE.  Apparently, I was (am?) that nice.  People really seemed to genuinely like me.  I can feel them changing their mind though.  Hahaha.

One of the notes read, "Your CONGRATULATIONS! never fail to lift my spirits and boost my confidence."  Looking back, I don’t know why I stopped saying that.  It used to make me feel better too.  I don’t remember when was the last time I said it.  In one of my old notes, it read that the phrase made me feel like I am cheering my peers on, and that in turn, I cheer myself on.  It gave the much needed boost and laughter that most of us tend to forget, especially when buried with inches  and inches of reading.

Somewhere along the way, I believe the word just lost its meaning and its effect on people.  It started to appear and sound shallow, and most of the time, quite undeserved, even if people refuse to admit it.  I think I still say that from time to time, but the lack of frequency showed just when it should be heard — when you actually worked hard for it.  

There are a lot of baby notes here.  One even thanked me for being a cheesy friend that never failed to make him happy and comfortable.  One thanked me for my ability to listen intently to their stories, encouraging them to speak more.  One thanked cigarettes (oh my I wonder who that is LOL) for giving us time to bond.  One flattered me the most:  that I am the glue that holds everyone together.  *insert tear here*

I think I’ve forgotten how well I was doing.  I think I got scared with the things I didn’t initially know, so it hampered my ability to absorb what was being taught.  I made myself weak because from the looks of it, I started strong.

So maybe, I should say CONGRATULATIONS more.


The cactus I got from Baguio after our PACE workshop.
Yes it is still very much alive. 

I’m going to stop hiding if you start showing yourself.

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So the last couple of posts made me sound like someone who can’t do anything better that day.  I’ve decided to put an end to it (or a pause, if you may) and just be my ranting self.

I haven’t spoken to my mom for the past 36 hours.  It all started when she picked me up from QC.  She said I’ve been gaining weight.  When Thursday morning came, she said I should work out more.  Around lunchtime, she said I’m becoming "wider".  Then on our way to church, she said my clothes are inappropriate and slutty.  Talk about tough love eh?  Naturally, I stomped my way to the closet to change clothes.  There’s not much to say after that.  She just  stopped talking.

Don’t get me wrong; you can criticize me all you want and I welcome that.  But I guess that’s not always the case when it comes to your family.  Your family is the sole core group that is obliged to love and care for you, no matter what shape or size you’re in.  I felt a bit betrayed when I noticed that she hasn’t really said anything worth remembering since I got here.  I’m starting to regret my decision to spend the long vacation here.  

Honestly, I don’t feel like apologizing.  What am I supposed to apologize for?  For reacting the way I did?  I never questioned her maternal right over me; she has the right to reprimand me all she wants when I’m wrong.  I just wish she can be more empathic.  She can be overly critical and she can make it look like my fault.  I mean, come on.  Are you kidding me?  Hindi porke anak ako, ako na lang parati ang mali.  I have all the right in the world to react against anyone’s opinion, especially those that hurt my pride and ego.  

I’m sure, once I tell this to my friends, I’ll get a handful of advice.  Listen to her, she’s your mom.  You shouldn’t have said that.  Blah.  Blah.  Blah.  Where in the rule book did it say that moms are infallible?  I mean, fuck it, they know best, that’s for sure, but where in the grand scheme of things did it say that they can never make a mistake in raising their child?  I’m raised well; I thank God every day for that.  But sometimes, the things she says and the way she reacts to how I look and the things I say make me question whether I measure up to her idea of a daughter.

Dear Mom.  I am 24.  Freaking 24.  I get it.  You just want me to look better.  But your manner of saying it makes me feel ugly.  You make me feel ugly.  Seriously.  And you should be the last person that could make me feel like this.  Ironically, you’re the first.  I am not going to apologize for the way I dress.  It makes me feel pretty.  My clothes make me feel sexy and confident.  I don’t like the fact that you’re trying to change that, just so I can conform to a conservative set of rules made up 30 years ago.  This is now and I am born in the now.  I am not forcing you to live my years, so don’t force me to live yours.  Next time you tell me to cover up, be prepared to wear a plunging neckline.  If I’m changing for you, you should be as hell ready to change for me.

There.  End rant here.  I go now to my secret place where Alejandro and Rubi just keeps looking at each other and this song plays in the background.

*happy place* 

Being Blair Waldorf

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It’s very seldom that you find someone on television that is worth idolizing.  Most of the stars in Philippine TV is all about vengeance and torn families, and love affairs gone wrong, so my thanks go out to Entertainment Channel of Solar Television Production, for introducing (drum roll please) Gossip Girl.

I think when they first made this show, they immediately coined Serena as the it-girl.  The one whose hair catches the light.  The one whose smile can brighten up a whole room.  The rebel.  The hobo blonde.  The one out to find and fight for the truth.  But she’s the tacky heroine.  She’s the kind of heroine that um, sleeps around.  And if the heroine is that hard to like, you go to the supposed-to-be-best thing:  the frenemy of the heroine.

Now, don’t get me wrong:  Serena is the reason why Gossip Girl is all the drama.  But the style, the fashion and the witty one-liners all came from one character:  Blair Waldorf.  Plus, her outfits are never on the verge of outrageous and outdated.  She’s right on the money.  A little play on the colors and a 20-year-old can wear it.  Mute the tones and go with the flesh, a 30-year-old can pull it off (with a heathy dose of confidence of course).  I think I dare say that she is the SJP of this generation.  The risque.  The brave.  The maldita.  The antithesis.

Plus, who wouldn’t fall for that cute face?  Well… I wouldn’t but that character is hard not to love. :)


 Haven’t you heard?  I’m the crazy bitch around here.


Dorota, don’t ever go to high school.


I know women.  And none of us are that nice.

Being Blair Waldorf

/ iamsupercarla / 6 Comments

It’s very seldom that you find someone on television that is worth idolizing.  Most of the stars in Philippine TV is all about vengeance and torn families, and love affairs gone wrong, so my thanks go out to Entertainment Channel of Solar Television Production, for introducing (drum roll please) Gossip Girl.

I think when they first made this show, they immediately coined Serena as the it-girl.  The one whose hair catches the light.  The one whose smile can brighten up a whole room.  The rebel.  The hobo blonde.  The one out to find and fight for the truth.  But she’s the tacky heroine.  She’s the kind of heroine that um, sleeps around.  And if the heroine is that hard to like, you go to the supposed-to-be-best thing:  the frenemy of the heroine.

Now, don’t get me wrong:  Serena is the reason why Gossip Girl is all the drama.  But the style, the fashion and the witty one-liners all came from one character:  Blair Waldorf.  Plus, her outfits are never on the verge of outrageous and outdated.  She’s right on the money.  A little play on the colors and a 20-year-old can wear it.  Mute the tones and go with the flesh, a 30-year-old can pull it off (with a heathy dose of confidence of course).  I think I dare say that she is the SJP of this generation.  The risque.  The brave.  The maldita.  The antithesis.

Plus, who wouldn’t fall for that cute face?  Well… I wouldn’t but that character is hard not to love. :)


 Haven’t you heard?  I’m the crazy bitch around here.


Dorota, don’t ever go to high school.


I know women.  And none of us are that nice.

Party Pilipinas’ Yellow: EPIC FAIL.

/ iamsupercarla / 6 Comments

 Party Pilipinas debuted last Sunday and they had all these things going on.  Apart from the fact that the DOP seems to have gone camera crazy, they also butchered one of Coldplay’s best songs by letting two misspelled-named damsels turn it into a ballad.  Much more, they couldn’t hack the theatrics of the original choreography.  It’s so painful to watch.  Or maybe I just dislike any show that goes against ASAP.  LOL.

This is what they did.

And this is how it’s supposed to be done.

Major, MAJOR difference.