The Duty Fulfiller

So I’ve been bored out of my wits lately, even though I’ve gone through two books in a week.  During lunch the other day, I decided to look up my personality type again.  The last time I remember taking a Myers Briggs Personality Test, I was an INTP.  That was way back in 2007, and given how things have changed over the last 7 years, I assume it’s time to update myself with my personality type, you know, just to check if anything has changed.

Because I sure feel changed.

I didn’t know I need to have a professional administer that test on me but I found a pretty good exam online.  This one is a Jung Typology Test.  Naturally, I had to look up the difference between the two, and I got this.  I can only link you to it, I think it’s quite a compelling discussion, but then again, I am testing myself so yeah, I don’t know if I’m reliable enough.  Haha.

This is my result:

ISTJ

I don’t think much has changed, until I looked it up.  I took the liberty of highlighting the items I find true to my current goings on.  Oh God why did those things have to be phrased like that:

Portrait of an ISTJ – Introverted Sensing Thinking Judging
(Introverted Sensing with Extraverted Thinking)

The Duty Fulfiller

Continue reading

Gossip in the office

Here’s the thing that most fresh grads have the hard time learning:  no matter who your employer is or where you work, office gossip and politics exist.  It’s just that.  Every company is a kingdom on its own, regardless of existing external regulators and other neutralizers that are supposed to keep employers in check.  It’s just there.  Ever present.

And that includes — now, more than ever — government offices.

I have worked for this company in the last three years.  I’m about to mark my fourth year in September.  Before becoming a regular employee, I underwent a 13-month management training program and I survived because my friends are very patient and very good educators.  My mother used to work here.  My aunt used to work here too.  I remember joining the institution’s summer arts program for five years in a row.  I loved this place.  Even before I joined the company, I have heard numerous praise not only for its performance in development finance, but also for its management.

Until recently, drastic changes were made.  From operating at a developmental standpoint, it appears, at least to me, that the gears have shifted to retail banking.  Don’t get me wrong; posting profit absolutely trumps breaking even.  However, it is rapidly starting to feel like this is not the institution I signed up for.

It’s frustrating isn’t it?  I joined the institution because of its developmental mandate.  I fell in love with it because my family never stopped praising its efforts in improving countryside economies.  I was often teased during our management training that I will be a “lifer,” as in someone willing to work for this institution for life.  I think I would have been, but now… well, it is not the same anymore.

What’s even more depressing is the fact that the gossip mutates.  I know it’s not supposed to die, but there has to be a period of silence somehow.  But not here.  As one executive after another is added to an already-full roster of senior rank offices, the gossip just becomes richer.  From utilizing company assets for personal use, to inglorious pay demands, to poorly examined trades, the gossip never ends.  Worse, the people in the circulating white papers are the same people who have the gall and energy to prejudge existing employees without even a semblance of validation.

I read somewhere that you should never judge a person based on someone’s opinion of them.  Lately, this has been the norm here in the office.  It is such a depressing character trait from senior officers.  Or rather disappointing.  I think what seniors often forget is that, as much as they are part of management that ensures the seamless operations and business generation of the company, they are also the primary advocates of their subordinates, not their nemesis.

But then, this is just my opinion.

Susie and Sally

My mother and her iPad

My mother is modest.  She was never attentive to designer labels or overseas travels.  Not luxury cars or big houses with walk-in closets and large kitchens.  She has always been self-assured and has always known what she wanted.  And the things she wanted were simple.

Nanay portrait

The third among four siblings, my grandparents raised them in a modest household, where giving is a mandate and food is always shared.  I have never seen my mother — or any of my uncles and aunt rather — want more than what they can afford.  What they have always taken pride in was the fact that their family was raised by parents, who never even made it past grade school, that worked hard for them to finish college.

Nanay graduating

My grandfather passed away some years ago, but my grandmother just turned 90 this year.

Nanay in the province

My mother grew up in a household where cousins and second cousins stay and go for free.  They have shared clothing, housing, food, basically everything, without expecting anything in return.  They are the model family of selflessness; they are the change they wished to be in the world.  They have worked hard in making sure that we, their children, become as giving as they are.  We hope to never disappoint them in that respect.

So when we realized our mother is turning 60 this year, we only thought of one thing to give her:  an iPad.  She looooves the iPhone I handed down to her when I upgraded to the iPhone 5.  She uses it religiously, playing Candy Crush to relax after a long day at work, streams iWantTv whenever she misses her soaps.  She doesn’t really use it for the purposes it was originally intended to be — managing contacts, businesses, emails etc. — but it’s her source of entertainment.  And it’s such a small screen.

The iPad is the perfect gift for her.  Because she will never get one for herself.  Because she will just keep saying she doesn’t need it.  That it’s too expensive for her.  That there’s no need for it really.

But there is a need.  We need to make her happy.  We need that validation that, in spite of the emotional roller coaster of the past year, we can make her so damn giddy still.  That we can get her something she finds expensive.  That we can take care of her whims as she grows older.  That she can have whims now as we are here to get it for her.

AND IT WILL BE A CHALLENGE TO SURPRISE HER BECAUSE SHE IS A DETECTIVE TO THE BONE.  My brothers and I worked extra hard to keep the gift under wraps because the woman that is my mother — or rather ALL mothers — have this uncanny manner of finding out everything effortlessly.

My mother loves Japanese food so we took her to Mangetsu in Jupiter Street, Makati for dinner on her birthday last May 15.  She was completely unsuspecting.

Mangetsu 1

Mangetsu 2

I love the food here, and I’m happy that my brothers trusted my taste.  I ordered for everyone on the table.  Prepare to drool.

(L-R, clockwise):  Salmon Sashimi, Spicy Tuna Sashimi, Chicken Thigh Karaage with Three Kinds of Salt, Beef Sukiyaki, Pork Gyoza, Shio Ramen

(L-R, clockwise): Salmon Sashimi, Spicy Tuna Sashimi, Chicken Thigh Karaage with Three Kinds of Salt, Beef Sukiyaki, Pork Gyoza, Shio Ramen

My brother couldn’t wait anymore.  He was too excited.

Screencap

So I handed over the gift box that she opened ever so slowly.  Ted captured it all on video:  Nanay and her iPad.

Nanay reading her card

I have never seen her smile so big in her life.  Moreover, WE MANAGED TO SURPRISE OUR MOTHER.  That is the true accomplishment for the night.

Nanay and her iPad

We filled the iPad with her favorite apps:  Facebook, Candy Crush, iWantTV.   Now, she wants Clumsy Ninja installed also.  We even arranged it in order of priority.  Hahaha.  We set up her Apple ID and put Facetime right on the first page so she can call our relatives in New Jersey whenever she wanted.

And of course, every single photo of our father that we can scour.

I think to date, she’s still in awe that we gave her something like that.  I mean, for some people, you’d think that a gift like this is easy peasy, but not for my modest mother.  She wouldn’t even think of getting one for herself.  It’s too much for too little a function for her.

Now, this is how she watches her soaps.  Hahahaha.

Now, this is how she watches her soaps. Hahahaha.  Lola doesn’t get what the fuss is about.  Hahahaha. 

But then, we all know mothers more than know better.  They deserve the best.

Happy birthday, Nanay.  You do not look a day over 40.

Working Nanay

To my mother

Cliches of all cliches, of course I just had to make a mothers’ day post.  Hahaha.

A lot of people repeatedly say that I look like my mother.  But that’s probably the only thing we have in common.  She’s a math person, I am not.  She’s neat and tidy, I am not.  She does not trust cabs, I can practically run a franchise.  We have almost absolutely nothing in common.

I take a lot after my dad, from the positives to the negatives.  I think that’s why my mother and I are pretty close.  It was because of my dad.  Much like a thief hating the existence of another thief, she makes sure that my father and I understand each other, at the risk of me misunderstanding her.  Which is often the case.  It’s not ideal, but I think she knew that being the only daughter, my relationship with my father has to be built on rock solid foundation.

And that is her.  I don’t think I would have appreciated my father if it weren’t for her constant reminder that it was the both of them that constantly brag about me and my achievements, from the most minute to the biggest.  If it weren’t for her, I would have rebelled so much in my youth (but this is not a complete admission that I am fucking old) to the point of self-destruction.  I got that from my father; we both have the ability to self-detonate.

But my mother held us together.  That one is for sure.

She still hates that I swear.  And that my skirts are too short.  And my dresses are too frilly.  My pants too tight.  That I color my hair in the most outrageous shades by her standards (red, copper, blonde).  That I shop too much.  That I eat out too much.

But if I want a night of pure talking — both gossip and fact — about the future, about the news, basically about anything under the sun, without judgment or prejudice or bias, over a good meal and maybe a movie — definitely over dessert after whatever we do — my default companion will always be my mother.

Nanay

Happy Mothers’ Day.

Baggage check

We all have complicated histories. When was the last time your past experiences informed a major decision you’ve made?

The Moment

This moment also happens to be the saddest moment of my life.  My father died on 21 January 2013, 12 days after my birthday.  We buried him 6 days later.  It wasn’t until his body was buried six feet under did I take a close look at all my relationships:  the one I’m with, my friends, my family.  It was a rude awakening.

It wasn’t that he wasn’t good to me.  It wasn’t that he wasn’t kind.  It was the lost wonder, the humility that comes with feeling a sense of disbelief that this person is with you.  The how-did-I-get-so-lucky feeling.  The I-cannot-believe-she-chose-me feeling.  That one went out the window quite a long time ago, and it took three wheelbarrows of dirt and a hole in the ground to make myself finally admit that.

I have lost touch with the oldest of friends so much that if they did not insist on being present in my life, I won’t insist on their presence too.  That was one of the worst decisions I’ve made, because at my lowest low, my friends were the first one to rally with me.  I am blessed.

My brothers were hesitant to depend on me, but when our father passed, they knew they can count on me for anything.  Some may say this kind of dependence should not be present anymore when you get older, but I do not mind.  I want my brothers to need me as much as I need them.

I realized too that the strongest person in the room — actually in most rooms — is either my mother or my grandmother.  I can only hope to grow up as strong willed as them.

So… I packed my bags for a quick staycation with my best friend and sister Marga, a quick trip to Cebu with another friend, went back to school, worked my butt off, and reclaimed the love that was never lost in the first place.

It is sad that my father cannot see that I am at my happiest, even though work sucks most days and school is hard.  Still, my heart has never been happier, more content, and more at home with it belonging to one man and to all the people I have pulled back in my life.

Oh how glorious it is to be loved by the man who wishes to carry your baggage with you. <3