love

All the song needed was her.

/ iamsupercarla / 4 Comments

Went to the UP Fair last night with the few good men (and women) left in the program.  It was quite an eventful evening.  Although a part of me wishes that Dylan came with us, a part of me is also glad that he didn’t.  In the first place, I was already in the company of good people; he can easily make it better by coming  to me. :)

It was a rock and orchestra theme.  I knew I wanted to be there because there was this band called Silent Sanctuary playing that night.  I remember that band in college, mainly because the violinist, Chino, used to date a friend of mine.  They kept in touch but because of their rise to fame (which they worked very hard for three years — very well deserved fame), we hardly see them anymore.  But it was an event almost two years ago that drew me to them.  Chino’s ex, my friend, Kwen Orqueta passed away.

It wasn’t a silent passing.  It was even featured on the news.  

I remember the wake, and the nights before the funeral, when my friends and I crammed every single picture of her in our minds and tried to come up with a video that would best represent her.  She was life.  She was the epitome of youth, and she was great.  She, too, was gone too soon.

I don’t think my friends and I have been this heartbroken before.  

Then, a few days after the funeral, Silent Sanctuary debuted their latest video, "Ingat Ka."  And they dedicated it to Kwen.

I briefly separated from the group to watch them play last night, and when Chino started plucking the first few notes on his violin, and the orchestra, and Sarkie’s voice, and the people… I was moved.  It felt so bad to be there, like Kwen should be there.  She loved music, the people, the party, the band.  She loved them all and she loved them best.  As they belted out the lyrics to the song, I saw her face everywhere and I couldn’t keep myself from tearing up.  

I love that girl and I love how the song manages to be about that girl without having to be so loud.  I love the feeling of being immersed in music.  I love the moment between being there and floating away.  I love that melancholy feeling, the natural high, the kind that makes you drift off without being really gone, the feeling of just being part of the music.  I don’t think I’ve ever felt that for a long time.

Last night’s feeling was so good, I managed to bring it with me the entire day today.  I woke up at 10 in the morning, got up at 2 in the afternoon and spoke at 5:30 while doing the grocery.  I want to be enchanted like that again.  I need to be enchanted like that again.  The program managed to shift me away from the arts I so dearly loved that one night of reunion completely reminded me why I loved it in the first place.

So I reiterate my resolution:  my life will be filled of music again.  I don’t care if people say it’s jologs or very manly or too consuming or too loud.  It’s music.  And it’s something I have loved for a long time.  It felt good, to be that in love again.  But I think what really made the night great was to realize I never fell out of love with it in the first place.

Oh yes.  I will be a gigster once again.  I don’t care if I fly solo or with a group.  I just want to float again. 

Unusual learning medium

/ iamsupercarla / Leave a comment

 Stress did not even lessen as the days passed.  I can’t even wrap my head around the idea that by the end of the week, I am educated in math, accounting and financial analysis.  I cannot even say "more educated" because I was not educated in the first place.  I thought one of the primary reasons why I took up liberal arts and broadcast journalism is because of it’s almost being completely devoid of math and arithmetics.  Then, I get here, the right place in my life right now, the right career path after a long three years, and I face the things I have come to fear the most.

It’s quite overwhelming; learning all these things is really taking a toll on me.  Then again, everything about this training program is taking a toll on me.  Most mornings, i wake up and stare in space, wondering how the hell did I get here.  Am I here because my parents wanted me to? Am I here because I have nowhere else to go?  Am I here because I am supposed to be here?  Sometimes, it’s still hard to imagine how hard I’ve pushed myself just to get an average grade.  I’ve never been average.  I can’t help feeling mediocre.  I can’t help feeling insecure.

The good part about this week is Patrick’s constant sharing with his current infatuation.  I don’t know if I should even label it as infatuation, since he seems to be seriously pursuing this one.  I like the fact that I have found a confidante in him; I like the fact that I too have become a keeper of his secrets.  The best part about his current flame?  It reminded me of mine.

I didn’t realize how much I’ve taken Dylan for granted until I heard Patrick talk about his flame.  The short calls, relishing the voice on the other line, can’t wait to text, can’t wait to reply and the unwipe-able smile across the face… it’s been a while since I’ve exhibited a minute level of enthusiasm when it comes to my partner of almost four years.  I refuse to believe that I have gotten weary when it comes to my relationship.  So, when the family went to do the grocery, I picked up this fantastic postcard off Carabao Island in Romblon.  It made me realize that this is the one thing we haven’t done:  go out of town.

I wish we can find the time to actually do it.  I don’t think there hasn’t been an opportunity for us to completely detach ourselves from life’s realities.  I don’t know when we can find the time to do so.  Whenever that may take place, I am sure that I only want to share that view with him.  I miss him.  I miss us.

Lately, he’s been spending more time with me.  I like it.  It means he’s more in control of his schedule.  It means he can cope with his schedule better.  It means I am getting better in time management.  It means we’re working on our relationship.  It means our relationship works.  And to actually say that out loud — and put it in print — makes me feel very good and hopeful of the future that is in store for us.

I love us.  I love us.

Finally, it’s over and done with.

/ iamsupercarla / Leave a comment

January 8 was the last day of Module 300.  I had a hard time believing that I was the last person to present, but then again, I am the one with the meekest ability to hold my tongue.  These lessons and presentations are constantly testing my emotional quotient.  I can’t say I am enjoying it, but I can definitely feel the improvement.

My outfit for the day

The happy hour started around 8 when we arrived in the Training Center for the hats off party.


With Anj and her feather headband
With the NCR crew (L-R:  Neil, Jerome, Allan, Moi, Moksy with the fab fedora, Rayrand, Anj and Ranna)
Missing in picture:  Aldrich and Patrick

 

It was game night, and we competed with HR.  And we kicked their ass.  YES.
All in all, it was allllll good.  But the best part  was when they all decided to stick around and wait for my birthday (January 9).  I am so blessed to have made such good friends with these people.  I can never forget them.My birthday would have to be one of my longest days.  And quietest.  I enjoyed my alone time, and my time with my family.

It is always the simplest days that turn out to be one of the greatest.  Tonight, I will sleep with a full heart.I wish you the same.

I have a tingly feeling. I think they call it “hope”.

/ iamsupercarla / Leave a comment

First post of 2010 and I do not want to disappoint. :)

Last night’s celebrations definitely made me realize one thing:  I do not want to celebrate any year-end holiday not being in the Philippines.  There’s nothing like Christmas and New Year’s here, especially New Year’s.  The firecrackers, the fireworks, the ham, the booze, the cheese, the every-kind-of-salad salad, everything.  You haven’t experienced New Year’s if you haven’t experienced it in the Philippines, believe you me.

As tradition, a lot of people I know have started writing their resolutions.  Apparently, there are so many things in their lives that they want to change.  I don’t blame them.  Man’s appetite, by nature, is considered to be insatiable — and that is both good and bad.  I’m happy for my friends and the steps that they want to make to improve the quality of their life.  I am happy that they are recognizing their mistakes and lapses and writing down a personal contract to make things right, if not better.  I am happy for them.  I really am.  But I just want to let them know that I love them for who they are, not for what they’ve done.  And I leave them with one advice:  Never let the things you want make you forget the things you already have.

I started the year in love.  I can’t believe it either, but I have been in love with the same guy for the past three years and seven months (not that I’m counting).  We’ve had our share, if not more, of ups and downs, and to be frank, I never really thought we’d make it this far.  So you see, 2010 seems to start of on a good note:  a really good surprise.  I am hoping that he’s in love too, ‘coz it would really suck to be the only one on this page.  Hahahaha.  I know that he loves me.  He loves me because.  :)

I know I should follow my friends’ example and write down a list I would want to accomplish this year.  I don’t blame them for wanting to accomplish so much.  We were never meant to live meager lives. :)  But I have learned my lesson in writing resolutions; sometimes, they just stay written.  However, according to my good friend Moks Gonzales and his favorite book The Secret, everything is more powerful and realistic when it’s written down.  And I am not going to be the one to reject an opportunity to write.

Here are the things I want to accomplish by 2010:

   1. Land that managerial position.
   2. Read (and own) 50 more books by December 31, 2010.
   3. Watch at least 10 independent films.
   4. Have a year-end savings of at least P50,000.
   5. Have matching lingerie.  (This is self-indulgent, I know.)
   6. Chronicle my life in a more animated structure.  (AKA blog more.)
   7. Purchase a new investment piece.

I have my options for that new investment piece and that piece is intended to feed my shutterbug itch.  Will definitely post something great and amazing when that time comes. :)

So there you go, people.  My list for 2010.  I hope your list is better than mine. :)  Have a great year.

I have a tingly feeling. I think they call it “hope”.

/ iamsupercarla / Leave a comment

First post of 2010 and I do not want to disappoint. :)

Last night’s celebrations definitely made me realize one thing:  I do not want to celebrate any year-end holiday not being in the Philippines.  There’s nothing like Christmas and New Year’s here, especially New Year’s.  The firecrackers, the fireworks, the ham, the booze, the cheese, the every-kind-of-salad salad, everything.  You haven’t experienced New Year’s if you haven’t experienced it in the Philippines, believe you me.

As tradition, a lot of people I know have started writing their resolutions.  Apparently, there are so many things in their lives that they want to change.  I don’t blame them.  Man’s appetite, by nature, is considered to be insatiable — and that is both good and bad.  I’m happy for my friends and the steps that they want to make to improve the quality of their life.  I am happy that they are recognizing their mistakes and lapses and writing down a personal contract to make things right, if not better.  I am happy for them.  I really am.  But I just want to let them know that I love them for who they are, not for what they’ve done.  And I leave them with one advice:  Never let the things you want make you forget the things you already have.

I started the year in love.  I can’t believe it either, but I have been in love with the same guy for the past three years and seven months (not that I’m counting).  We’ve had our share, if not more, of ups and downs, and to be frank, I never really thought we’d make it this far.  So you see, 2010 seems to start of on a good note:  a really good surprise.  I am hoping that he’s in love too, ‘coz it would really suck to be the only one on this page.  Hahahaha.  I know that he loves me.  He loves me because.  :)

I know I should follow my friends’ example and write down a list I would want to accomplish this year.  I don’t blame them for wanting to accomplish so much.  We were never meant to live meager lives. :)  But I have learned my lesson in writing resolutions; sometimes, they just stay written.  However, according to my good friend Moks Gonzales and his favorite book The Secret, everything is more powerful and realistic when it’s written down.  And I am not going to be the one to reject an opportunity to write.

Here are the things I want to accomplish by 2010:

   1. Land that managerial position.
   2. Read (and own) 50 more books by December 31, 2010.
   3. Watch at least 10 independent films.
   4. Have a year-end savings of at least P50,000.
   5. Have matching lingerie.  (This is self-indulgent, I know.)
   6. Chronicle my life in a more animated structure.  (AKA blog more.)
   7. Purchase a new investment piece.

I have my options for that new investment piece and that piece is intended to feed my shutterbug itch.  Will definitely post something great and amazing when that time comes. :)

So there you go, people.  My list for 2010.  I hope your list is better than mine. :)  Have a great year.