The death of the legendary Robin Williams has taken the world by storm. It was close to being unimaginable that someone seemingly happy and content would have so many demons in his self.
I have always loved his work. Hook, Mrs. Doubtfire, Jack, What Dreams May Come. But of all his works, perhaps his role as John Keating in Dead Poets Society was the one that struck me. As a lover of artsy fartsies, I first saw this film in 1998 and I knew I was right in deciding that I should surround my life with book and ambiguities and vivid imaginings of every bit of every thing.
I wrote about one of my favorite quotes, and it still is today even though the relationship I referred that quote to has turned sour:
It was the power of his words, the genuine kindness and sincerity, candor and humor, all mixed in a ball that will make him most memorable to me. Because in my saddest days, I have turned to Mrs. Doubtfire for physical comedy, Aladdin for romance, Jack for more carpe diems. I will never forget the life he brings to the screen. It is just with great sadness that I didn’t get to see him perform live.
I caught a glimpse of his award-winning performance in Good Will Hunting and already I have a favorite scene. It has been commemorated by numerous fans, and now it is part of my list to see that bench in Boston Public Gardens.
I am in no position to speak about depression as I know very little about it. But there need not be another high profile death to the disease just so we can keep ourselves informed. Let us learn more about it, open up a safe space for dialogue, be there to provide comfort, because who knows? The words you say today may save someone’s life tomorrow.
Take care, Mrs. Doubtfire.
How did you move on from him?
Complete total silence. In and out. It’s been over a year, you know.
No communication whatsoever?
None. But it was a choice that I made. We both made, I think.
Did he try to win you back?
For a moment, but then when I look back, though it appears to some that he tried, he never really said anything.
How long did you suffer the feeling of pain?
Long. A bit of it is still with me today.
Are you bitter towards him? Is that normal?
Yes, it’s normal and yes, I’m still bitter. It was a long time that went to nothing. It felt like my youth was wasted.
Do you still love him?
Yes. The sad kind. The one that when I feel it, I become resentful and morose.
I’m going through the same. I’m trying to be okay though.
Just give yourself a good period to be sad.
We don’t have closure. I think I need that to let things go. To hear him say he’s sorry. Did you feel that way?
For me, I was hurt too much too long. I did not want to need anything from him, so that made it easier to not look for closure, or anything else from him, for that matter.
Will this sad, bitter feeling go away?
Of course. Give it time. All you need to move forward is in you. Unless you realize that, you will always be stuck in that space. You will always need something that he will not or cannot give. And you don’t want to be the kind of person who needs something from someone else to move forward.
It’s been three months. I find it too long. I’ve never been this bitter.
It’s been 16 months for me. I’m not as angry. But I am still bitter.
…
Don’t rush it. You might miss steps, making it harder to recover.
Thank you.
Thank you.
the salt of your skin 