To want and need the same things

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It is slightly annoying how these words seem to roll out of someone’s tongue so easily.

With people starting to explore other career options, I can’t help but wonder if I should be doing the same thing. After all, I’ve never really imagined myself working in a bank for life, no matter how noble the cause.

There are still days when I just sit by my table and stare blankly at my computer screen, wondering how the hell I ended up here. How the nuances of routine and constant nagging of constant things managed to bring me comfort so assuring that I cannot even recall what brought me here in the first place. How this is not the life I imagined for myself.

I guess that’s what death does to you: it forces you to evaluate everything, set everything in perspective, become pensive enough to see if the life you are living is really the life for you.

I used to say I can live off of pizza, beer and a good book.

Or a typewriter, sheets of paper and sunglasses.

Or wine, cigarettes, chocolates and Shakespeare.

Maybe I should start moving towards what I really want. More importantly, maybe I should start wanting more than what I need.

Oh well. It’s Ponder Thursday for me. How has your week been?

Fuck mornings

Although I don’t really say much, the good couple of people who know me best (and I interact with the most lately) know exactly what I’m going through.

It could use a little more articulation, but I don’t really have the mental space to string together words as an attempt to solemnly capture the daily musings parked at the back of my mind.

The subconscious is surely a powerful thing.  It keeps me up all night, restless all day.  Mornings are worse than the evenings when I can’t seem to catch sleep.  And the nights when sleep no longer eludes me, there is always that bitch of a moment that comes at 3 in the morning.

And as much as my potty mouth is blatantly ruining this blog as being a PG-13 page, I do still solemnly pray that peace comes to me sooner than later.  I have a promise to move forward and all these moments prevent me from getting there.

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Almost over!

Thank God, November is almost done!  I am just completely wiped out with the month’s activities.  I’m so happy that it’ll end with my niece’s second birthday party.  :)

But really, this month’s performance is a clear reflection of how badly I mismanaged my time.  Whenever I’m in school, I think of work.  Whenever I’m at work, I think of school.  Everything in between just goes into a full blown mental battle — Dylan, Chuchi, Marga, Las Pinas, Lola, repeat to infinity.  Today was a complete testament how much I misused my time.

Funny, November is also the month I had the least entries in my organizer.  Huh.  Perhaps the lack of entries is the reason for mismanagement…?  Argh, it’s hard to blame something like this on an inanimate object.

Speaking of which, the holidays are definitely around the corner, and the heat is still bitchin’ here in the Philippines.  For some, winter has settled in, but here, summer decided to stop by for coffee.

Holidays = shopping, so in spite of receiving the mandated 13th month pay…

This photo just made me crack up.  And it’s a serious thing.  No matter how many times I keep the receipts or try to account for my daily spending, I still can’t seem to trace where my money went.

I hope to get better at this before I start a family.  I don’t think my husband would appreciate not knowing where I put his money.  Hahahaha.

Okay, rant over.  I just wanted to post an update.  I didn’t want to think the moment I got my own domain, I started getting lazy with the posting.  Besides, writing keeps me sane.

I should remember that.

Rise

I don’t know what happened on this day but really, whatever it is, I feel like this again.

Melodramatic me is not fun.

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Math Love Story

I couldn’t believe I stumbled upon it at first, but this GIF makes pretty good sense.

Didn’t think mathematics can hold so much meaning in one’s life.  I’ve always thought they were the things I can never use when I have to do the grocery.  Apparently, it has always meant something to someone, and at one point, to me too.