So for those of you who first got here, I am one person who always looks forward to any event that any person just made up for sentimental reasons. So when I received a text from Picture Books this morning saying my order was printed and is now ready for pick up, my stomach literally did cartwheels. :)
Naturally, I would rush there right after reading it, but my responsible self stopped me from going there. You see, I have a presentation and a paper to finish for work. And lately, that’s all I’ve been doing.
If it’s not work, it’s family. If it’s not family, it’s Dylan. If it’s not Dylan, it’s friends. I don’t know why, but I never really get to use these conditions as much. Lately, it has all been work.
This management program is taking too long. At first, I thought I can be patient all through out, but now, I’m just tired and wary. I want it to be over. I want to be able to make more permanent plans. I want to be more able to entertain spontaneity in my life. To take sudden road trips without having to worry about the early presentation the next day. To jump to the next plane to nowhere because I have paid leave credits to use. To make weekend plans with my partner of almost four years (in three days!) and getaway to the farthest bed and breakfast.
I keep waiting for the time to pass. For all this to be over. And each time I wait, I get more and more nervous, that I might not succeed in this venture. That I might not graduate. And I know the negativity is not helping, but when you’ve used up all your optimism by convincing yourself waiting is good, there’s nothing left to think about.
I can’t wait for our presentation to be over tomorrow. Then I can pick up the Picture Book. Then I can pick out another gift for Dylan. Then I can figure out our dinner plans. Then I can go with my friends to Pampanga to check on some girl who’s supposed to like him. Then I can go live my life.
And I won’t just be stuck here, waiting.