Think Out Loud

How long then?

/ iamsupercarla / Leave a comment

How did you move on from him?

Complete total silence.  In and out.  It’s been over a year, you know.

No communication whatsoever?

None.  But it was a choice that I made.  We both made, I think.

Did he try to win you back?

For a moment, but then when I look back, though it appears to some that he tried, he never really said anything.

How long did you suffer the feeling of pain?

Long.  A bit of it is still with me today.

Are you bitter towards him?  Is that normal?

Yes, it’s normal and yes, I’m still bitter.  It was a long time that went to nothing.  It felt like my youth was wasted.

Do you still love him?

Yes.  The sad kind. The one that when I feel it, I become resentful and morose.

I’m going through the same.  I’m trying to be okay though.

Just give yourself a good period to be sad.

We don’t have closure.  I think I need that to let things go.  To hear him say he’s sorry.  Did you feel that way?

For me, I was hurt too much too long.  I did not want to need anything from him, so that made it easier to not look for closure, or anything else from him, for that matter.

Will this sad, bitter feeling go away?

Of course.  Give it time.  All you need to move forward is in you.  Unless you realize that, you will always be stuck in that space.  You will always need something that he will not or cannot give.  And you don’t want to be the kind of person who needs something from someone else to move forward.

It’s been three months.  I find it too long.  I’ve never been this bitter.

It’s been 16 months for me.  I’m not as angry.  But I am still bitter.

…

Don’t rush it.  You might miss steps, making it harder to recover.

Thank you.

Thank you.

 

Confined

The secret in getting a US Visa

/ iamsupercarla / Leave a comment

I had a really good week last week.  After some encouragement from a friend, I filled out and filed my application for a B2 US Visa at the Manila Embassy this June 27.  She encouraged me to be brave and so I scheduled the interview that very Monday, June 30.

The DS-160 application is pretty straightforward.  Name, address, occupation, purpose of visit.  But just as any single working under 40 Filipina, I am quite afraid of the MOB stereotype (I can’t even bear to spell out the meaning of that acronym, but feel free to message me so I can share it with you privately.)

The appointment confirmation only required five (5) things:

  1. All pages of the appointment letter
  2. DS-160 confirmation page with photo printed on it
  3. Valid passport
  4. 2”x 2” color photo, against a white background
  5. Original machine-readable visa fee receipt

At the time, I paid for my visa application fee of US$160 at BPI.  They have a flat exchange rate, so payment was for Php7,200.  You will generate the receipt number here, and you will need it before filling out the application form online.

Anyway, just to be sure, I also prepared the following documents.  It’s quite funny actually, as if fate is pushing me to get the application, because all these documents I managed to collate and complete on the same day I applied.  Which very rarely happens in government.

  1. Employment certificate
  2. Statement of gross annual income
  3. BIR Form 2316
  4. Bank statements of the one with significant holdings
  5. Old passport, which contains my previously issued visa 10 years ago (I am old fuckit)
  6. Birth certificate

I left the office at around 11am for my 12:45pm appointment.  The line wasn’t long; there’s a line that will attach a bar code to your passport upon presentment of the DS-160 confirmation page.

You will be given a number and asked to wait.  I really liked their waiting lounge, even if it’s the open air.  Despite the fact that it was nearing high noon, the space was well ventilated.  I cannot imagine waiting during the peak of summer though; that must have been a completely different case.

An embassy personnel will call out a batch of numbers for the initial screening.  You will then be led inside the embassy, and the first window you will encounter confirms all the details you filled out in the DS-160.  Mind you, they’re quite particular with the photo you’re supposed to submit.  If they do not approve of your photo, there’s a photobooth by the waiting are for you to retake your photo.  Click here for the photo standards.

If you have any changes or errors in the DS-160 application, say it at this portion so they can correct it accordingly.

You will then be asked to line up for the finger scanning.  This took a while.  I think our batch had about 200 applicants.  I noticed that the interviews will be conducted on the same floor.  The consulate officers are prolly still on break at the time.

After the finger scanning is the anxious wait.  One by one, the windows for the interviews opened and I noticed that there are no more people coming in the hall.  We must be the last batch of interviewees.

I noticed that there was one window for work- and sympathy-related applications.  There was this one consulate that processed those asking for a quick leave to bury a relative and he was also the one who handled the flight attendants.

I was so anxious, because I can hear the other consulate officers denying each applicant.  And so I had to tune out and looked around the room.  There was an AVP playing and it kept saying that there is no secret in getting a US Visa.

You can be a college nursing student, with minimal savings, a pending petition, and bad luck that can go on for days and still get a visa.  Because they are only looking for one thing:  your ties to the Philippines.

When it became my turn, I went to my assigned window and saw that one applicant is still being interviewed.  It was horrid, for him.  It went like this, or at least the ones I heard.

Applicant:  I will go to California to buy supplies for my business
Officer:  What is your business?
A:  I own an electric cooperative in the province.
O:  What are you buying?
A:  Materials for the electric cooperative.
O:  Like…?  Give examples.
A:  Pliers, copper wires, cables…
O:  You need to go to California to buy pliers?
A:  These are specialized equipment, it can’t be any run of the mill equipment.
O:  Can you show me a list of the supplies that you will buy?
A:  (looks through stuff) I’m sorry I did not bring it with me.
O:  Where will you buy these supplies in California?
A:  In Company X, Store Y and Company ABC.
O:  May I see your appointment letters with these companies?
A:  I have not contacted them yet.
O:  Where are you staying?
A:  At my brother’s wife’s house near Santa Monica.
O:  Where is your brother?
A:  Here in the Philippines.
O:  Why can’t you buy your supplies in China?  Taiwan?  Europe?  Why the US?
A:  Because those are of poor quality, not like the US.
O:  Who will be paying for your trip?
A:  I am.
O:  It’s for your company right?  Why is the company not paying for it?  Why you?
A:  I can afford it, no need to bill my company.
O:  (types stuff) I regret to inform you that your application for a US visa has been denied because you cannot establish the purpose of your travel.  You may reapply when you have a firmer purpose and itinerary of your visit.  Thank you for your time.

This took about 7 minutes.  And they’ve already started the conversation before I even fell in line.

The guy could not do anything!  He just stepped back and thanked the consul and the next thing I know, it was my turn.  Here’s how my interview went:

Me:  Good afternoon! (smile, but not the overeager kind lol)
Officer:  Good afternoon, how are you today?
M:  I’m good, and you?
O:  I’m well too, thank you for asking.  So why are you traveling to the US?
M:  To visit my relatives… (slightly awkward pause and then stammered) and the Wizarding World of Harry Potter.
O:  I see.  Diagon Alley is about to open.
M:  Yes!  I think next week!
O:  Have you been to the US before?
M:  Yes in 2004.
O:  How long did you stay there?
M:  2 months.
O:  What is the work that you do?
M:  I’m a bank officer at the GHFK Bank.
O:  How much do you earn every month?
M:  Phpxx,xxx
O:  Who will be paying for your trip?
M:  I am.
O:  (types) Thank you for your time.  Your visa will be ready in a week.  Enjoy your trip.
M:  Thank you.  (backs away slowly, starts internal happy dance)

My interview was 3 minutes long.

I have read blogs and other experiences about their visa application and I can say there is only one secret to getting one:  be honest.  It is also the message they have played over and over in the screens that you can view while you wait for your turn.  Honesty (and a good dose of confidence) will really show during the interview, and firmly establish your ties in the Philippines.

I received my visa last Thursday.  10 years.  Multiple entry.

I was very blessed last week.  Perhaps rewarding my honesty.  But seriously, those who say that they have a quota, that they are profiling applicants, those are just suspicion and opinion.  Just be honest.  When you have nothing to hide and no intent to deceive, it really shows.

And who knows?  Maybe it would work out for you as well as mine did. :)

On humility

/ iamsupercarla / Leave a comment

There have been way too many things happening at work and I have to admit, I have not been handling it well. I’ve been brave enough to divide my time with school, and now, the workload from both aspects are just getting to be too much to handle.

Let’s put it this way: when I’m in school, I think about work. When I’m at work, I think about school. I am neither here nor there, and the office gossip and drama do not really make it any easier.

However, I cannot deny the lessons learned in the past couple of weeks. The implosion of a hot tempered personality has vindicated so many people in our team (and by team, I mean team that knows that personality’s evil ways). I don’t even know how to properly articulate what has been going on in the office without implicating myself.

Is this really the way to work or operate in the office scenario? Always watching your back for people that may stab it? It’s weird, I thought quitting show business had saved me from the drama. Evidently, it is a plague on all houses.

Looking back, there was only one thing lacking between the initiation and the disorderly exit of it all: humility. Once you start walking around as if the world owes you something, you start burning bridges, you begin to demean people, you ignite flames that could have easily been managed in the first place. As a professional — or rather as a human being — humility should never leave your body. After all, whatever it is that you have now, the world gave to you. Sure, hardwork cannot be discounted, but only humble work is rewarded greatly.

With that, I hope to lessen posts of my work dissatisfaction. I have never failed myself at this scale for so long, but at least I have people believing in me, rallying behind me, and a certain kind of faith that never waivers, that always believes in justice, where prayers are always answered.

That seems to be a rock solid foundation I can boost myself up from.

I hope your month is turning out to be better than mine. Past the halfway mark, I hope to catch a glimpse of the light at the end of the tunnel.

Humility

You knew better.

/ iamsupercarla / Leave a comment

Dear You,

In all honesty, your two-facedness is something I didn’t quite anticipate.  In 2009, you were the quiet one, the one who reads the Word for lunch, the one who took jokes and jeers in stride.  You were the one who asks if anyone else would like something from McDonald’s or Dunkin Donuts, or anything that you can bring back to Manila whenever you’d go home to your hometown.  What you have become is quite unprecedented.

I really didn’t anticipate your backstabbing ways.  But then, I should have known we all have our dark sides.  I should have known that we have two wolves in all of us.  I just didn’t think you would be the kind of person who will feed the bad one.

Is it the smoke up your ass?  Is it their constant fawning over the work you do?  Is it the way they worship your work?  It has to be that right?  After all, you do pick up their slack.  You are the one completing everything that’s supposed to be their workload.  You are the doormat.  So you have to be part of that click.

And a part of it, you have become.  It’s so disappointing.  But then who am I to expect loyalty?  Who am I to expect some semblance of identity?  I just graduated with you, finished the training with you.  We probably studied together once, but that’s it.  I have mocked you endlessly, but then, you have mocked me to my face too.  Our relationship was limited to that.

Was I wrong to assume that you have a sense of fealty?  After all, we went through the same hardships.  I do not expect you to know the inner workings of my twisted mind and harpooned feelings, but at the very least, as someone who went through the same kind of test as you, I just expected you would at least defend me.  Or not add fuel to the fire.  Instead, you contributed to the senseless and baseless babble of my so-called elitism and spoiled-ness.  You contributed to the preconceived notions others had of me, notions that I have always thought you knew was wrong.  You and I met way before all these, after all.  You knew me way before all these.  As it turned out, you are not the ally I thought you were.

I only hope that I am the lone victim of your backstabbing ways.  I still have use to you; I am still your lone link for matters that require his confirmation.  And that’s how I’ve come to be for you — a person who will entertain your bitch-filled lunches, your passes to a click that “accepted” you, your shining example of what not to be.  But you want to know the real sad story here?

Never in a million years would I do the same thing to you.

May you sleep soundly at night, you backstabbing two-faced lying low-level ass kisser.