Elie Wiesel once said, the opposite of love is not hate, but indifference. For the past days, I believe I am unloving. And there’s nothing I can do about it.
I want to be the big ambiguous piece of everything that just floats around.
Wouldn’t that be amazing. Wouldn’t that be poetic. Wouldn’t that be real.
Can I not be angry anymore? There is nothing to mitigate the anger. Fuel keeps flowing.
Tuning out now.
It’s funny because you’re supposed to be with someone wiser. And yet that someone can’t seem to identify the fine line between being romantic and being stupid. Now, you’re in hot water, one of the biggest messes you’ve been in for a while, all because you told yourself your heart is smarter than your head.
Sometimes, you just can’t defy logic like that. Sometimes, you just have to be smart. And polite. And responsible. Just so you don’t have to come home to a good bucket of yelling.
That’s all.
Of course, I feel that way everyday. I look at my Facebook friends, and see the faces I haven’t seen since grade school. And they’re all abroad or in their swanky new apartment/condo or with their new baby or on a trip with their loving husband. They are everywhere and I am just here. And sometimes, I am beginning to think I haven’t seized as much opportunities as I should have.
2004, I went to the US. Could have easily applied for a film scholarship there. Could have easily looked for a writing internship and applied to convert my tourist visa to student. Could have easily inquired about sponsorship and worked there. But no. I went back.
Then, there’s meeting Epy Quizon, who hinted about “pursuing passions early”. Could have headed to MOWELFUND right after that interview. Could have headed to UPFI for an application. Could have headed to LVN or Viva or Star and inquired about a possible internship. But no. I just went back to school.
Worked for Eat Bulaga for almost a year as a commentator/critic. Met the entire cast and crew. Met directors. Writers. Producers. Worked side by side with the veterans of the entertainment business. Could have easily pushed for a better job. Could have easily pushed for more writing gigs. Could have easily kissed ass in hopes of being part of their immediate circle. But no. I just went about my day, working from one paper to another, being invisible.
So yeah. I have a lot of reasons to feel that everything good is happening somewhere else. Because the supposed good things that should be happening to me, I just let them all pass me by. So there. Here I am, wishing for a good thing to come by. Then maybe, if I’m brave enough, I get to be the good thing other people wish happened to them.
I hate the fact that I teared up seeing them dead by the sea.
I hate the fact that I always see your face.
I hate that I know you need flats and stretch pants.
I hate that people are just cold.
And that hate flows freely in me.
And I hate that I am not apathetic.
Because I know that I am comfortable just being hateful.
Now, enter cue music.
For the past week, PNoy has reprimanded PAG-ASA for not giving the right forecast for the weather. I can’t really blame him. He said what everyone has been saying for years: Parati na lang ganito. Nonetheless, grace has to be maintained. Although the winds were scarily wild, we all went to work that day, and even took a quiz at the end of the day. Nice. Not.
Because I wasn’t able to go to the beach, I suddenly have this longing for shorts. All kinds. Drawstring, high-waist, denim, cut-offs, ruched. All kinds. It really felt like summer just flew by my nose. Wasn’t even able to get wet. Then, I just can’t stop looking at shorts.
I’ve only just begun appreciating the flexibility of shorts. Throw on a blazer and already you’re a rock star.
Go all neutral and adopt shades of taupe and beige, wear a chiffon top, cinch that waist, and voila. You’re ready for a coffee date.
Another good thing about shorts is how easily you can create a contrast and a play of colors. Take a look at this blue-white-red ensemble. You can go anywhere in this. Well, prolly not at the opera, but you know what I mean.
And here are some more styles you will definitely fall in love with. Nothing accentuates legs more than shorts. :)
Oh crap. Now, I have to shop. :)
the salt of your skin 