Waiting for the right time to pass

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So for those of you who first got here, I am one person who always looks forward to any event that any person just made up for sentimental reasons.  So when I received a text from Picture Books this morning saying my order was printed and is now ready for pick up, my stomach literally did cartwheels. :)

Naturally, I would rush there right after reading it, but my responsible self stopped me from going there.  You see, I have a presentation and a paper to finish for work.  And lately, that’s all I’ve been doing.

If it’s not work, it’s family.  If it’s not family, it’s Dylan.  If it’s not Dylan, it’s friends.  I don’t know why, but I never really get to use these conditions as much.  Lately, it has all been work.

This management program is taking too long.  At first, I thought I can be patient all through out, but now, I’m just tired and wary.  I want it to be over.  I want to be able to make more permanent plans.  I want to be more able to entertain spontaneity in my life.  To take sudden road trips without having to worry about the early presentation the  next day.  To jump to the next plane to nowhere because I have paid leave credits to use.  To make weekend plans with my partner of almost four years (in three days!) and getaway to the farthest bed and breakfast.

I keep waiting for the time to pass.  For all this to be over.  And each time I wait, I get more and more nervous, that I might not succeed in this venture.  That I might not graduate.  And I know the negativity is not helping, but when you’ve used up all your optimism by convincing yourself waiting is good, there’s nothing left to think about.

I can’t wait for our presentation to be over tomorrow.  Then I can pick up the Picture Book.  Then I can pick out another gift for Dylan.  Then I can figure out our dinner plans.  Then I can go with my friends to Pampanga to check on some girl who’s supposed to like him.  Then I can go live my life.

And I won’t just be stuck here, waiting.

Does the reward-punishment thing really work?

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What I’ve always found interesting between me and Dylan is the fact that we seldom have the same opinion about something.  Some people actually view that as a bad thing, that  we don’t have much in common.  But it’s actually that difference that made us grow as better people, respecting each other in such a level that no one won’t be able to do.  At least not without years of practice. :)

One of the things we have constantly argued about (and I have come to agree with him on this one after some time) is the concept of reward-punishment.  This concept is often defined by psychologists as reinforcement.  You literally reward yourself (or others, usually kids) immediately after doing something good or accomplishing a task, in hopes of creating a pattern, making the accomplishments come quicker and sooner.  For a more detailed explanation on this concept (though I highly doubt that you’ll need one because my readers are not that dumb), just click here.

Well, my brother wasn’t able to graduate on time because of a thesis that he wasn’t able to pass.  So he had to take it up again this summer.  Thankfully, he finished it, passed it and now, is bugging my mother for his "reward" (which is an iPhone by the way).  

My side (at first):  I believe he deserves the reward.  He worked hard on his thesis, it was something that was very complicated, and I give him kudos for not giving up.  Albeit it took him 4 major revisions and 4 re-defense fora, it is a good thing that he was able to see through it all.

Then Dylan aired his:  Why are you going to reward someone for doing something he was really supposed to do?  He’s a child.  He’s privileged to receive education.  He’s obliged to finish that privilege the soonest possible time.  He didn’t.  So he tried again because he’s obliged.  Because he’s a student.  And a student stops being a student once he graduates.  And he did.  So why are you going to reward someone for accomplishing something he’s obliged to accomplish in the first place?

At first, I was quite upset.  He was saying that my brother didn’t deserve the phone.  But then, when you look at it from that point of view (as in not being related to my brother), he’s right.  People should only be rewarded for going the extra mile.  It’s like finishing a 10-year course in seven years.  Or even nine.  Rewards should come for doing something extraordinary when only the ordinary is expected.

But what do you think?


Me and my group mates after working on a credit application that wasn’t needed. Hahaha.

Kermit Tesoro’s Skull Heel Shoes

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Gotta love this season.  Viewed some of the collections from Philippine Fashion Week Holiday 2010.  Those are the moments when I regret not having purchased a DSLR sooner.

Patience is a virtue, patience is a virtue…


Photo Credits:
Style Bible
Status Mag Online

TriNoma and the free wifi

/ iamsupercarla / Leave a comment

I’m supposed to abuse the power of plastic money by splurging in TriNoma’s green light sale when I suddenly felt warm.  At first I thought, hey it might just be me (it wouldn’t be the first time).  Since I started gaining weight, I’ve noticed my tolerance for humidity had lessened quite drastically, so I thought, I’m being maarte again.

Then, I saw people fanning.

Then, more people fanning.

Then… I couldn’t stop myself.  I asked.

Apparently, the entire mall is running on generators.

GET ME OUT OF HERE!  INIT! 

One random thought after another

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I feel like there’s so many things wrong with me lately.  Cough.  Colds.  Period.  Dysmenorrhea.  Cramps.  Migraine.  Nose bleeds.  Not to mention that thing I have to take the same time everyday.  I wonder when I’d be better.

The more I look at things I want to have, the more I feel pain for the reminder that I am not that well-off.  Responsibilities and obligations suddenly spurted from one side to another, and I am having a lot of trouble catching up.  I wonder if the time will come when my other relatives wouldn’t have to rely on us to keep functioning.  It’s not that I don’t want to help; I do.  I absolutely do.  It’s just that sometimes, I make a much bigger sacrifice than what they originally had in mind.  Does appreciation come in a cup?  I sure hope so.

I will not fail this module.  Also, because I already flunked one and this is my last chance.  Everything about this module is so fucking boring.  My foot falls asleep every three minutes.  Thank God for Ranna and the pass notes thing.  At least, I am able to stay awake.  It kind of worries me though, whether I can study enough or know enough to get through to the next  round.  I better.

I swear on my perfect ovaries that I will enroll and finish a photography refresher course before the year ends… of course, after a purchase of my lovely camera.  And after learning how to drive.  I can’t let my friends drive me around anymore.  I’m becoming too dependent on convenience and air conditioning.

Commuting:  every one I am close to at work hates it.  For some reason, I missed it.  I’ve been people watching a lot lately.  I’m trying to come up with a good enough script for next year’s indie film festival.  I am running out of characters and profiles to feature and I can’t afford that.  I can’t afford to lose my creative touch.  Or maybe I have lost it and this is my attempt to recover it.  I aim to recover gracefully.

What’s up?!

So, Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov is a good read.  I better start reading more, especially the classics.  There’s something about old English and the fullness of every word that make me want to live in their time.  To be wooed by a thousand words of men that will journey halfway across the world to prove his worthiness of your heart.  Ah.  Beauty.  So, I stopped at page 14.  Can’t afford the romantic niceties.  I do need to review.

I wonder if my handouts are complete.  Better call Anj and check if we’re still on with Review Day binge.  I hope not.  Been running every other day in hopes of adding curves to my now-becoming-full body.  I like it a lot.  I aim to be as full as Monica Bellucci.  Now, to get those boobs…

I love my boobs just the way they are.  Just so we’re clear.

I do believe I will run out of tissue in about six hours.