Recipe: Cheese Pimiento Spread

I’m not really the go-to authority when it comes to recipes.  I grew up with my parents’ cooking, which is mostly based on approximation and seasoning to taste.  So basically, this is not the hard and fast rule when it comes to making this delicious spread.

I actually created an enemy.  Given that my brother’s wedding will be by the end of the year, I only have so many months to get into the habit of eating right and becoming more religious in exercising.  But there’s an abundant amount of Edam cheese in the fridge and it’s obviously been there since Christmas.  Even though my mom promises to slice it up for us to munch on, it never really came true.

So I dropped by the grocery this weekend and picked up some red pimientos and whole wheat bread.  I figured if she’s not going to do anything about that cheese, I might as well get the hint and start working on it.

The recipe is actually my aunt’s.  I remember her teaching me how to make it way back in 2008 (I stayed with them for an entire year while I work as a creative writer for a noontime show).  I remember it quite clearly:  a little butter for some depth, mayonnaise for spreadability and red pimientos for the taste.

It turned out pretty well actually.  The only hard part was (literally) the cheese itself.  We only had a normal grater so imagine the ages that passed in processing the cheese.  Perhaps it would have been faster if I used a food processor, but you want that light stringy texture.  Nowhere near powdery or fine, but it mixes well with the butter and mayonnaise.

The ball mason jars I got from Pretty Little Cravings proved to be the perfect storage for this spread.  It keeps the spread fresh.

Cheese pimiento in Mason jar

My mom said it needed more pimiento.  I put everything in that small can I bought.  For me, it tastes just right.  You might want to be more careful with the pimiento.  Some spreads end up too red and the pimiento starts to overpower the cheese.  For those who doesn’t have leftover Edam cheese in their fridge, quickmelt cheese would do.

I’ve seen a few recipes where copious amounts of butter and mayonnaise are mixed in, AND THEN still seasoned with salt and pepper.  Mind you, cheese is already rich in sodium, so you might want to rethink the salt and pepper addition.  Moreover, like Joey said, low fat mayonnaise can easily do the job of regular mayonnaise.  Like I said, I haven’t really encountered a hard and fast rule in making this spread so feel free to play around the ingredients listed below.  The amounts indicated are the ones that worked for me.

Ingredients:
300g Edam cheese, grated
1 small can red pimiento, drained
3 tbsp salted butter
3 tbsp low-fat mayonnaise

In a deep glass bowl, grate the cheese to your desired consistency.  Throw in the butter.  (Make sure that your butter is at room temperature.  This will make the mixing  much easier.)  Throw in the mayonnaise.  Dice the drained pimientos finely or to your desired size before throwing it in the bowl.  Using a spatula, mix them all together.  You  may adjust the taste with either salt and pepper, or by adding more butter.  To make it more spreadable, add more mayonnaise.

Cheese pimiento spread

The jar used to be full.  It’s only Day Three and you can tell, I’ve had a little bit too much of it.

How do you make your cheese pimiento spread?  How did yours turn out?

Getting inked

I have always wanted to get a tattoo. The art embedded right under the skin entices me, with the body looking like a walking canvass.  Most of my family will not agree with me; they will always see these things as dirty and inappropriate.  But I’m happy to not agree with them.  I find tattooing painfully beautiful.

I didn’t think that my first one would be in memory of my father.  I never really thought I would ever admit to getting one, given that opinion my family has when it comes to skin art, so I got the tattoo in secret.  It wasn’t until three or four months in did I let my mother see it.  (Yes, it freaked her out.)

I am not here to change their opinion on things.  Some things don’t change and it’s easier to accept that instead of forcing your views.  But I do want a more factual approach to tattooing.  Thankfully, someone from the National Post already did that.

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For me, it will always be emotional.  I will always look for the next image or phrase to be on me and I’ll carry it all my life and I would be proud because to me, it will always mean something.  And that doesn’t necessarily have to mean the same thing to other people.

I’ve had looks thrown at me in the office when the swallow peeks slightly above my collar.  I get it; you don’t understand why.  And I respect that you don’t understand as much as I do.  But that is not a cue for you to expect that I need to explain myself to you.

Because, in my opinion, those who ask for an explanation do not deserve it and those who do won’t demand for it.

And I’m blessed because now, my family, though they staunchly disagree, no longer need any explaining from me.

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To the World Florist Association

Dear World Florist Association,

Some 7 or 8 years ago, I broke off a relationship for reasons I now do not understand.  That same person found his way back to me and we have been very blessed since.  He has calmed me, kept me composed, given me peace when I needed it the most, and tamed my potty mouth. His “level-headedness” is something I do my best to imitate.  He is quite an admirable man.

Imagine my giddiness when, three days before Valentine’s Day, he not-so-subtly checked if I will be in the office all day because something “may or may not arrive between 8am to 6pm.”

Imagine my suppressed laughter when, come Valentine’s Day, I can sense he’s forcing himself to stay awake until that something came.

Imagine my worry when his eagerness turned into anxiety, and then disappointment as the hours passed by and nothing came.

Imagine his frustrated tone when he finally admitted, the next day, that he picked out flowers for me that was supposed to arrive on V-day, and that he paid extra so it would arrive before lunchtime.

Imagine my surprise when he didn’t receive a notification from your company that the delivery was not made.

Imagine the tiny ounce of patience left in me when I calmly said, “Let’s see how they will apologize for it on Monday.”

Imagine my anger when you didn’t.

Allan never misses an occasion.  With almost 7,000 miles between us, he has made sure to never miss an event or an instance to profess his love for me.  (We long distance couples depend on these supposed convenient means to make our presence felt, just in case you are incapable of doing the math.)  So it all made sense when he finally admitted that it was the World Florist Association who did not deliver.

If he had not written an email about the non-delivery, would your sales team have informed him?  Not a peep, not a call, not a single PROACTIVE apology.  He had to tell you that you failed to do your job.

You did not even find it within the sphere of simple customer service and basic crisis management to just send the flowers immediately.  He had to wait for you to come up with it on your own.

You further insulted him, in my opinion, by throwing him a bone in the form of chocolates and a committed February 19 delivery.

A woman called at 3:30 pm today, confirming the delivery address and at the same time, assuring me that the flowers will reach me today.  It is now 10:00 pm and I am yet to see the shadow of the flowers my partner had lovingly picked out for me.

AND YOU STILL HAVE THE GALL TO CHARGE ALLAN FOR YOUR “SERVICE.” There is not a single soul in the business of complaints handling that would attest to your effective conflict resolution.  At least, not in this instance.

I could have done away with the flowers.  But Allan picked those out.  I want to see what he got for me.  He knows to pick exactly the ones I would love. He never misses an occasion.  But thanks to you, he has now.

I wanted to know at what level of disservice, dissatisfaction and inconvenience would trigger your tiny, tiny mind to actually deliver the product as requested as committed and also, grant him a full refund for every bit of trouble you’ve put him through?

Because given your poor comprehension of business ethics and the realization that you have not come close in making up for it — and my potty mouth ready to fire off at this very minute — a semblance of GENUINE, SINCERE, AND MEASURABLE APOLOGY IS IN DIRE NEED.

World Florist Association, sir, you are a cunt. You do not deserve his faith in your service, much more his money. You should be ashamed of yourself. Fucking give it back.

I am blessed with a kind-hearted man who will never talk down on anyone or make anyone feel bad on purpose. He will disagree with me on this, this email will lead to an argument, but I am not about to sit idly by and watch you STEAL HIS HARD EARNED MONEY AND CALL IT A QUALITY PRODUCT.

 
Absolutely never using your service again and OHMYGOD my LDR couple friends are going to so hear all about your assholery,
Me.