happiness

To die by your side is such a heavenly way to die

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¿Para qué vale la pena, valió la pena todo el tiempo.

It’s the Spanish translation of one of my favorite song lines ever.  It’s not new, that’s for sure, but for me, it was that memorable.

I don’t know why lately I’ve been quite melodramatic about how the state of the “Carla” is going.  There are just some realities that cut to close to the eye, and there’s no stopping it because it happening is just a matter-of-fact.

Take for example Dylan’s IELTS review.  He’s taking it in preparation for his overseas employment.  We’ve already talked about this; it is actually one of the more practical talks that we’ve had for a long time.  Upon completing the first year in his contract, he will start preparing all the necessary documentation and licenses needed for overseas employment.  We have targeted the UK for him, mainly because of the NHS and how they don’t choose who to cure (oh yes).  When he heard about the gravity of the taxes there, well, it’s an understatement to say that he was discouraged.

There’s something about that plan that breaks my heart; I am yet again going to be left behind.  Although I know the reasons (and they are really good reasons) for his departure, it doesn’t make my heartbreak any less bearable.

I told him to just bear the taxes.  I want him to actually help people.  The only instance that I felt that kick from him, that accomplished kick of being an ER nurse, was when they tried to save a 22-year-old guy with the younger brother waiting at the wings.  Whichever country he goes to, he and his immediate family will always have the same healthcare benefits.  What I want him to have is the liberty to care for anyone who needs it.  Without that, the only difference would be higher pay.

The guy didn’t make it.  And Dylan is once again confronted by man’s mortality.

Most of the time, I am thankful that his occupation often has brushes (actually, laps and laps and laps) with death.  He lives happier now, takes care of himself better, looks out for others more cautiously… and I believe I have to be thankful for what he does.  There are off days of course, but they no longer last as long as they used to.

There are far more things that trouble my mind, apart from Dylan’s impending departure.  I’m trying to be as pragmatic about everything as I can be, but then again, my melodramatic side can only change so much.

Okay, I’m skirting off to work now.  Toodles.

I’m looking at the bright side and balancing the whole thing

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So here’s what happened lately.

  • Just finished the Treasury module.  It has to be the fastest module I’ve ever had (or at least so far) because it only lasted 28 days.
  • Final exams suck!  It was a flurry of confused and mismatched answers to questions I obviously know the answer to but because I actually studied passionately, I overanalyzed everything and well, the rest is the rest.
  • The bourse game was much more enjoyable than expected.
  • Our group became the highest gainer!  Profit of 96M baby!
  • Our group rocked the presentation.  Unrehearsed.  Completely unrehearsed.  But there was no downtime, no pauses, no nothing.  Just smooth sailing presentation of results.
  • Our group got the best score ever:  1.

Judging by those events, I bet you can tell that I’ve been having a good kick off to this other half of the module.  What’s funny though is how I’ve performed in treasury is the complete opposite of how I’ve performed in finance.  Tiger was right; I can start strong again.  *relish feel good moment here*

Credit module started just this week.  Quite grueling on the onset since from the looks of it, this will be our office delegation once we finish the program, notwithstanding the fact that you have to memorize 85% of everything so you can use them in application, which is about 15%.  It’s all about rules and policies and guidelines now, given that this talks about the money the bank could be raking in.  I hope to survive this one better than my treasury survival.  *insert meditation pose here*

And although this weekend basically sucked because I cancelled a beach trip for a family trip that never materialized, I’m still happy.  My brothers seemed to be more clingy than usual, and indulged my fancies by asking me to help them shop for their clothes.  Five hours later, we ended up with numerous shopping bags, 19 purchased items and a bill of less than 5,000.  You gotta love end of season sales. :)

I am looking forward to a trip with the circle to Mindoro.  I bet that would be a blast.  It’s going to be my first ever out of town trip with people that are not my family.  Hahahaha.  I know it’s so loser-ish for me to declare it like that, but what can I say?  The truth bug bit me and its venom seeped through my veins.  Now, I just have to lose 10 pounds in about 4 weeks and I believe I’ll be okay. :)

 

All the song needed was her.

/ iamsupercarla / 4 Comments

Went to the UP Fair last night with the few good men (and women) left in the program.  It was quite an eventful evening.  Although a part of me wishes that Dylan came with us, a part of me is also glad that he didn’t.  In the first place, I was already in the company of good people; he can easily make it better by coming  to me. :)

It was a rock and orchestra theme.  I knew I wanted to be there because there was this band called Silent Sanctuary playing that night.  I remember that band in college, mainly because the violinist, Chino, used to date a friend of mine.  They kept in touch but because of their rise to fame (which they worked very hard for three years — very well deserved fame), we hardly see them anymore.  But it was an event almost two years ago that drew me to them.  Chino’s ex, my friend, Kwen Orqueta passed away.

It wasn’t a silent passing.  It was even featured on the news.  

I remember the wake, and the nights before the funeral, when my friends and I crammed every single picture of her in our minds and tried to come up with a video that would best represent her.  She was life.  She was the epitome of youth, and she was great.  She, too, was gone too soon.

I don’t think my friends and I have been this heartbroken before.  

Then, a few days after the funeral, Silent Sanctuary debuted their latest video, "Ingat Ka."  And they dedicated it to Kwen.

I briefly separated from the group to watch them play last night, and when Chino started plucking the first few notes on his violin, and the orchestra, and Sarkie’s voice, and the people… I was moved.  It felt so bad to be there, like Kwen should be there.  She loved music, the people, the party, the band.  She loved them all and she loved them best.  As they belted out the lyrics to the song, I saw her face everywhere and I couldn’t keep myself from tearing up.  

I love that girl and I love how the song manages to be about that girl without having to be so loud.  I love the feeling of being immersed in music.  I love the moment between being there and floating away.  I love that melancholy feeling, the natural high, the kind that makes you drift off without being really gone, the feeling of just being part of the music.  I don’t think I’ve ever felt that for a long time.

Last night’s feeling was so good, I managed to bring it with me the entire day today.  I woke up at 10 in the morning, got up at 2 in the afternoon and spoke at 5:30 while doing the grocery.  I want to be enchanted like that again.  I need to be enchanted like that again.  The program managed to shift me away from the arts I so dearly loved that one night of reunion completely reminded me why I loved it in the first place.

So I reiterate my resolution:  my life will be filled of music again.  I don’t care if people say it’s jologs or very manly or too consuming or too loud.  It’s music.  And it’s something I have loved for a long time.  It felt good, to be that in love again.  But I think what really made the night great was to realize I never fell out of love with it in the first place.

Oh yes.  I will be a gigster once again.  I don’t care if I fly solo or with a group.  I just want to float again. 

From the front desk: what’s new? I’m always here!

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Today is actually the most fun day (so far) I have spent in the office.  Our director declared this day as Scrap Day, wherein everybody gets to sort through their shit and throw all the unnecessary files for the entire day.  Since this ofice is a little over 10 years old, you can only imagine the number of papers shredded at this moment.

Can you believe someone even saw Playboy 1991 here?!  You gotta laugh at that.

Wasn’t able to update the journal yesterday.  My supervisor was out getting high with allergy shots so I had a lot of work in my hands.  I liked it though.  It makes me move and prevents me from wanting to bring a cot and sleep.  Here’s an update so far of what had happened during the week.

Tuesday:  WE WATCHED SPIDER-MAN 3.

I have never been so heartbroken in my entire life.  Seriously.  It’s a good thing that I was in good company.  I watched the flick with my cousins Marc, Monette, Rex and Marga, my brothers Ted and Daniel, and my beau Dylan.

Eh.  The effects were spectacular, there’s no doubt about that.  But I can’t help but feel shortchanged with the storyline and the plot.  Since when did the Gob take the side of the good ones?  Isn’t the serum supposed to drive you closer to insanity?  Anyway, it’s a good thing James Franco’s character (Harry Osborn) progressed dramatically in this movie.  Honestly, I think it kind of pulled it together, minus the I’m-now-good part.

I expected Mary Jane to be tougher, now that she is legally Spidey’s partner.  It’s almost quizzical because she almost didn’t change.  Her screams still pierced the night and my ears and her singing is horrible.  I hope that’s not Kirsten’s real voice.

Peter Parker looked like he’s auditioning to be the next member of Green Day.  We just have to wait for UPN to make that kind of series.  Anyway, there was too much dialogue, too little fights and too shallow perspectives.  It’s not as alluring as the first two, where the battle really did feel like it’s also occuring in the audience’s lives.  What this third installment failed to do is the same philosophical tug it had with the first two.  I don’t know… I’m discouraged now to watch the fourth (also because Dunst and Maguire will no longer be playing their roles).

Wednesday:  Pretty fair day…
There’s not much to say actually… 

Thursday:  SISIG WITH DYLAN
It was Dylan’s first time to cook sisig.  I’m really happy he was able to do it.  And he did a pretty good job too.  Although it was kind of cheating since we cooked something out of a can, it was actually better than the ordinary out-of-the-can sisig.  I loved dinner.

I can’t wait to be rich enough (or have enough money) to take cooking lessons with him.  According to Cosmopolitan magazine, cooking is something that a couple can share, kind of a productive aphrodisiac activity.  *Insert mushy music here*

So why did I suddenly change my journal to friends only?
Because it doesn’t make that much of a difference when it wasn’t.  LOL.  Kidding.  Because I only want select witnesses in my life.  

I also changed the settings so they can only view one entry at a time.  I figured, my big mouth might be too much for them.  LOL.

Am going to the dentist tomorrow.  I can’t wait for Dylan to accompany me there.  Don’t blame me if I hate people taking sharp pointed metal things to poke my mouth.  You gotta hate them sometimes right?

Out.