Damn, I need a smoke.

Three months into the year and I can barely keep my only goal.

F
: 2.5
S:  1.625 * 1.25
R:  1.25 * 1.25
Div 3.5
T:  1.74107

Am I in trouble or what.

The day didn’t end quite happily as I thought it would.  Not only did Tiger started becoming emo again (please don’t be upset anymore, your pimples might worsen, sige ka) and basically looked right  through me after a joke that didn’t even originate from my end (don’t be upset already, you’ll grow older faster though I know it would be to your advantage since you want to appear older already), but I also heard from a friend that they won’t release Module 400 grades till after the final exams for Module 500.  

Sa totoo lang, umiikot na ang pwet ko.  Hindi ko alam kung tama ba tong computation ko, o likas lang talaga akong morbid.  Minsan lang naman kasi ako may magustuhan ng ganito.  Si Dylan lang yata ang nagustuhan ko ng ganito eh.  Ayoko talaga matanggal, pero talagang kitang kita sa numbers eh.  I have nowhere to go but there.  That awkward little circle of barely-hanging-on and nearly-letting-go.  And I hate that kind of limbo.  Hindi ko naman subok-akalain na darating ako sa ganitong point na ganito kaaga.  And I do not like this point at all.

Jerome said I should stop thinking about it so much since it’s derailing my concentration.  But it’s already out there.  It’s like an open bar of chocolate; it’s inviting you, so pick on it.  There’s no use resisting it.  You know you’re headed in that direction anyway.  

I don’t want to exit from this program.  I love studying.  I love learning (even if I have to struggle to stay awake by gulping three cups of coffee almost simultaneously).  I love my friends.  I love being there.  I can’t imagine being there.

Damn it.  I better cough up the pity pill.  Where’s a bottle of beer when I need one?  Oh yeah.  In the store.  The one I just passed by.  Because I decided to work out.  Because I need to lose the weight.  Because I no longer fit into my pants.  Because I put on 2 more inches.  

Great.  What a fugly way to start the week.

Don’t be upset already, Tiger.  You should spend as much time as you can to be happy (look who’s talking).  Sayang oras.

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4 thoughts on “Damn, I need a smoke.

  1. Anonymous says:

    I just read this now. Sorry about that, me acting pissed was actually supposed to be a joke (pambawi sa joke niyo dapat, haha), but i realized i couldn’t go through with it.
    anyway, MORE IMPORTANTLY, i agree with “m”: just believe, carla. As the Arthur song goes, oh believe in yourself, for that’s the place to start. :) And i know i’m a hypocrite for saying so, but just don’t dwell on it na. 1) You’re paranoid about grades (like me) to begin with; 2) worrying won’t help lang talaga. (I mean, i know you’re aware of these points already, but maybe a reminder from a friend helps)
    And if ever you need to rant / blow away all frustrations, i’m always here (always ready for a smoke actually, haha). And how come we haven’t had drinks this week? We’ve finished 2 subjects!

  2. Anonymous says:

    I just read this now. Sorry about that, me acting pissed was actually supposed to be a joke (pambawi sa joke niyo dapat, haha), but i realized i couldn’t go through with it.
    anyway, MORE IMPORTANTLY, i agree with “m”: just believe, carla. As the Arthur song goes, oh believe in yourself, for that’s the place to start. :) And i know i’m a hypocrite for saying so, but just don’t dwell on it na. 1) You’re paranoid about grades (like me) to begin with; 2) worrying won’t help lang talaga. (I mean, i know you’re aware of these points already, but maybe a reminder from a friend helps)
    And if ever you need to rant / blow away all frustrations, i’m always here (always ready for a smoke actually, haha). And how come we haven’t had drinks this week? We’ve finished 2 subjects!

  3. Anonymous says:

    believe, friend. believe. you never know what they’ll do. maybe they’ll curve like did in module 200. maybe delaying the announcement of results of 400 is actually a good thing.
    meanwhile, be fierce. remember the secret. hindi ka pwede magcondi. nagdecide nako. wala sa’tin ang pwede macondi. ’nuff said.
    and yeah, hey tiger, if you’re reading this, don’t be upset na. agree with carla. baka dumami pimples mo. friends make fun of each other, diba? hello! ako nga sobrang asar talo ngayong module na’to noh! i just laugh about it – at least on the inside. hahaha!
    -m-

  4. Anonymous says:

    believe, friend. believe. you never know what they’ll do. maybe they’ll curve like did in module 200. maybe delaying the announcement of results of 400 is actually a good thing.
    meanwhile, be fierce. remember the secret. hindi ka pwede magcondi. nagdecide nako. wala sa’tin ang pwede macondi. ’nuff said.
    and yeah, hey tiger, if you’re reading this, don’t be upset na. agree with carla. baka dumami pimples mo. friends make fun of each other, diba? hello! ako nga sobrang asar talo ngayong module na’to noh! i just laugh about it – at least on the inside. hahaha!
    -m-

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