Work assignment

They liked the comfort of their walls. It was the closest thing I ever heard that can pass as a lyric here in MAP.  The banking industry is all that we’ve been submerged in for the past months; then, here comes three-termers talking to us about comfort and walls, the heart to good governance and public service.

Tinga came first.  The Bonifacio Global City, one of his many projects, has become one of the country’s prime hot spots.  The location boasts not just a high steady stream of income, but of social responsibility.  As it turned out, that value was forced upon investors.  He didn’t like the comfort of the walls of corporate haggling and settlements; he forced investors to put heart into the business by making sure the people benefits from their investment too.  You don’t see that every day.  In fact, I don’t think I have seen that at all.

Next was Elias, his wingman.  The first thing he said was clear; the mayor needs his support if he wants to get things done.  He wasn’t hesitant to admit that he came in second in authority, but he made it clear that this is one of those instances where second is no less important than first.  I don’t see any walls of indifference and inferiority there; I see pride in work and honor in duty.

Matias kept saying “What’s important is the unison of the mind and the heart.” He knew there was no way passing development plans would be easy, given that majority of his counsel is opposed to his beliefs.  So he waited and respected the walls.  He wasn’t comfortable, but fighting them would only be more detrimental to Nueva Ecija.  He’s on his second term, with majority of his co-party candidates elected as part of the Counsel.  I too anticipate what he can do for them.

Last was city treasurer Endriga.  With the Iron Hand of Management, he didn’t let anyone pass with a half-baked job or half-hearted sincerity.  He employed technology for better efficiency.  He demanded 100% performance. He didn’t settle; I don’t think it even crossed his mind.  Resistance came and it was not enough to sway his style of management.  Comply first before you complain. By 2009, QC is the most profitable city.

They liked the comfort of their walls.  You say this to a people who refuse to move out of the norm, hesitant to try something new, conflicted in choosing the hard rights over the easy wrongs. They made their own walls.  They showed the right kind of rebellion, of non-conformity.  There’ll always be boundaries and customs that have existed before us.  But there’ll always be new ways of doing things.  There’s no shame in employing something new.  It’s not divergence.  It’s not hard-headedness or disrespect.  It’s merely new walls.

Rooting for inspiration

I told myself that today, I need to be inspired.  I wanted to be inspired because I have a lot riding on the next three months.  In three months, the program I have been working hard to stay in will be over.  Three months.  I’ve been here since August 2009, and in three months, I’m done.  I will be an officer and I will be assigned in a department where I can work my ass off without shame for the next 3 or 30 years.  Three months.  That’s all there is to it.  So I told myself, I need to be inspired.

Then, I started cleaning my room.  I’ve been renting a room here in Quezon City because it’s the closest place I can get and it’s one short ride to work.  I started cleaning and I found out, I have a pest.  I have a pest and it just made a corner of my room its home.  And today, I need to be inspired.  I need to tell myself that I am making this life better for me, where I am not dependent on anyone but myself.  My mad skills.  My rationale.  My intellect.  I need to be inspired just when I saw a corner of my rented space telling me that I am rotting away.

I am so tired.  I’ve been preserving everything.  From my family to my relationship with Dylan, everything hangs at a sensitive balance.  It’s so sensitive that I can’t have anything disrupt it.  But then again, there’s a pest in the corner of my rented room.  The cheap rented room, close to work, managed to gather more disgrace by harboring an unwanted neighbor.  Now, I have to call someone to get rid of the pest.  Another thick wad of money down the drain, another problem that needed solving, another thing that needed balancing.

There are days when I feel like I’m way in over my head, that I bit more than I can chew on this one.  I don’t think I’ve ever been this exhausted.  I sometimes wake up in the middle of the night and just want to throw up.  I eat a full meal and after reading about credit standards and delegated authorized credit limits, I just want to hurl.  I don’t know if there’s any space left for me, for my sanity.  I don’t know if there’s any space left period.

Three months left, and all the late nights, all the paperwork, all the missed birthdays, all the missed family trips, all the arguments, they’re all on me.  And I just feel like hurling, like throwing up, so I can make space.  Throw up so I can at least get a bit of elbow room.  Throw up so I can get to the phone and get someone to get rid of that neighboring pest.

Everything has to be balanced.  Just three months left.  I just have to have everything balanced in the next three months.  After that, they can all fly up in the air and be in perfect chaos again.

There should be enough simple things in life to make us happy

Glee came to an end.  It wasn’t as glorious as a season ender should be, but they managed to pull off a memorable song or two.

Although I know that web window shopping will just give me pains (because I can’t afford it yet and with the manner our Customs officers act, the taxes will outweigh the actual price of the item.), I still browsed and looked around.  My frustration for Topshop’s Addison Wedge just might be quenched  by this ticket.

Good... but not good enough.

I still want you, baby.

Then, of course, there are those little things that make you miss the moments you were supposed to be in.  Those little moments  that make you want to replay over and over.  Those fleeting little moments that you know you’ll remember forever.

Oh, how I’d love to be in New Jersey.

Your favorite moment captured

A lot of times, I regret not taking enough pictures.  Even though I have tons of albums in Multiply and Facebook, I still feel that I haven’t captured enough moments.  At the same time, I feel bad each time I try to pause a moment just to take a picture.

I guess that’s why I love television.  And photo galleries.  And photojournalists.  And portraits.  And paintings.  They manage to recreate that fleeting second between an argument and a breathless kiss.  Photojournalists capture human emotion with such accuracy and delicate precision, and the emotion never gets lost, in pictures or in translation.

I’d give a lot to have that ability.  I’d give a whole lot to learn that skill.  There are so many beautiful things that fly by our noses and they are all beautifully disarming and we never frame it.  We take a mental picture and as time passes, we forget it.  It would be nice to have a reminder hanging on your wall.


Ross and Rachel’s first kiss is worth playing over and over.

First Heartbreak

Now, there’s a female version and a male version.  Both can equally crush your heart and make you gush at the same time.  They kind of reminded me how I was when I had my heart broken.  To be fair, my reaction wasn’t that different from theirs.

I think their reaction is not so different from everyone else’s.  Maybe children really are smarter than adults.