A question and bokeh

I know I have not been writing as much as I should have.  The deadline is just around the corner, and quite frankly, it’s something I cannot ignore anymore.  I have to put in more than what I usually do and do it faster, so I can still have the luxury of having a good enough elbow room to edit, format and unify whatever it is I am required to submit by the end of the month.  Is it exciting?  Somewhat.  Do I feel any pressure right now?  Maybe.

(I just couldn’t help myself.  I had to do a Janina San Miguel question.)

Yesterday, I was browsing through some memos and spotted new information.  According to a new CSC ruling, before any employee can be promoted to an officer grade, he/she must have a Masters degree.  It didn’t state what kind; just have one.  For those who are already officers and still don’t have degrees, they better start getting one then, since they won’t be moving up anytime soon unless that requirement is fulfilled.

I find it quite nonsensical because some people don’t need higher education to perform excellently at their job.  There are tons of successful entrepreneurs who succeeded in their own ventures without even finishing college.  So I don’t understand the reason for this ruling.  Nonetheless, since it’s already there, I would have to comply to it, if I want to move up at all.

Looking at my record, I don’t think an MBA would suit a Journalism graduate.  I am now exploring Creative Writing for my Masters and although it is far from what I am doing now, I don’t think I’d want to take up anything else.  I’m still eager to do my photography classes; maybe when I’ve passed my deadlines, I’ll be more comfortable making plans for a longer period of time.

The only good thing about that CSC ruling?  It forced me to study again.  And I think that’s a good thing.

(Insert nerd theme here.)

How about you?  What do you plan to do to further your education?  Are there any plans at all?  Will you do the same thing to be up for promotion?  Share your thoughts.

Question of the day. And some bokeh for our viewing pleasure. (I wonder if I can pull this off.)

Photo challenge will resume soon!  I promise.  There are very few things that I get to complete in my life — this just has to be one them.

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Recovering from the long weekend

I cannot even begin to explain the difficulty of recovering from a long weekend.  I honestly believe I enjoyed it too much, even though all I did was watch movies.  For those who follow me on Twitter, you can so tell that I was perfectly happy with my self-imposed movie marathon.  After all, the working class don’t always get four-day vacations.  I mean, come on!  The hospitality and healthcare industry don’t even get breaks like these.  So imagine how much power I felt I had.  And I used it all up by watching movies.

I can’t say that I didn’t enjoy it, but I can say this:

It’s something that’s inherent in long vacations.  I even brought home my work laptop in hopes of completing, if not starting, some of my long laundry list of to dos, but yeah, that never really happened.  Somehow, I always end up enjoying too much of my vacation, so when reality strikes, it slaps me in the face like a scorned bitch.

Fell asleep around 9 last night, woke up at 11, fell asleep at 1 in the morning.  And I woke up at 5:30 today.  And I have no choice because Mondays are manic.  If I don’t get up or get ready soon, I am sure to have a hard time commuting to work.

So I’ve come up with three possible options:  (1) move out and live somewhere closer to work, so I wouldn’t have to commute on the day the car is not allowed by the government to be on the road, (2) loan some money and get my own car, that is of course after completing my driving lessons and overcoming my fear of being ran over by a truck and (3) convince the government how healthy and productive it is for employees when they are granted brief but frequent vacations.  Hey, a happy employee is a productive employee.

Just saying. :)  Have a great workweek, everyone.

Productivity measure

I don’t think everyone knows the complexity and the simplicity of the project I am assigned to do.  It’s almost funny because I am beginning to think that the only people who understands what I do are the people I work with.  One time, I tried to explain it to Dylan.  He just…. went in a daze.  Hahaha!  I can’t blame him though.  That happened to me too when I was first introduced to this project.  So yeah there.

Don’t you just hate the days when you just keep writing and writing and explaining, word after word, define, redefine, reprogram, collaborate, articulate, blah blah blah, the entire day?  I find those days commiting me to an almost irrevokable state of ennui.  Unfortunately, being a new project, it’s filled with these days.  So I always do my best to add some color – literally and figuratively – to whatever it is that I’m doing.

Today…. I managed to create a newsletter for our department.  For some reason, it felt so productive!   Hahahaha.  I think it’s mostly because I completely and utterly miss my roots.  I don’t remember the last time I’ve written something (except maybe for this blog) or even tried to fix a layout or come up with a mock up for approval.  So finishing all these in just a few hours is so empowering.

Hopefully, I haven’t lost my touch yet. 

I wish I can share the work I did here (because I am so effin’ proud of it, it’s nauseating), but the silence of office principle just straps me down.  (For those who can’t believe it, yes, I can keep secrets now.  I didn’t think I’d live long enough to see this day, but apparently, it’s otherwise.)  Anyway, something big is coming up and my butt is just so excited for the Bank. 

Now join me in prayer as I drift back to my documents of ennui.  Pray that I don’t run out of words.  Pray that I get to finish this today so I am still on track.

Kthxbye. :)

To die by your side is such a heavenly way to die

¿Para qué vale la pena, valió la pena todo el tiempo.

It’s the Spanish translation of one of my favorite song lines ever.  It’s not new, that’s for sure, but for me, it was that memorable.

I don’t know why lately I’ve been quite melodramatic about how the state of the “Carla” is going.  There are just some realities that cut to close to the eye, and there’s no stopping it because it happening is just a matter-of-fact.

Take for example Dylan’s IELTS review.  He’s taking it in preparation for his overseas employment.  We’ve already talked about this; it is actually one of the more practical talks that we’ve had for a long time.  Upon completing the first year in his contract, he will start preparing all the necessary documentation and licenses needed for overseas employment.  We have targeted the UK for him, mainly because of the NHS and how they don’t choose who to cure (oh yes).  When he heard about the gravity of the taxes there, well, it’s an understatement to say that he was discouraged.

There’s something about that plan that breaks my heart; I am yet again going to be left behind.  Although I know the reasons (and they are really good reasons) for his departure, it doesn’t make my heartbreak any less bearable.

I told him to just bear the taxes.  I want him to actually help people.  The only instance that I felt that kick from him, that accomplished kick of being an ER nurse, was when they tried to save a 22-year-old guy with the younger brother waiting at the wings.  Whichever country he goes to, he and his immediate family will always have the same healthcare benefits.  What I want him to have is the liberty to care for anyone who needs it.  Without that, the only difference would be higher pay.

The guy didn’t make it.  And Dylan is once again confronted by man’s mortality.

Most of the time, I am thankful that his occupation often has brushes (actually, laps and laps and laps) with death.  He lives happier now, takes care of himself better, looks out for others more cautiously… and I believe I have to be thankful for what he does.  There are off days of course, but they no longer last as long as they used to.

There are far more things that trouble my mind, apart from Dylan’s impending departure.  I’m trying to be as pragmatic about everything as I can be, but then again, my melodramatic side can only change so much.

Okay, I’m skirting off to work now.  Toodles.

Rooting for inspiration

I told myself that today, I need to be inspired.  I wanted to be inspired because I have a lot riding on the next three months.  In three months, the program I have been working hard to stay in will be over.  Three months.  I’ve been here since August 2009, and in three months, I’m done.  I will be an officer and I will be assigned in a department where I can work my ass off without shame for the next 3 or 30 years.  Three months.  That’s all there is to it.  So I told myself, I need to be inspired.

Then, I started cleaning my room.  I’ve been renting a room here in Quezon City because it’s the closest place I can get and it’s one short ride to work.  I started cleaning and I found out, I have a pest.  I have a pest and it just made a corner of my room its home.  And today, I need to be inspired.  I need to tell myself that I am making this life better for me, where I am not dependent on anyone but myself.  My mad skills.  My rationale.  My intellect.  I need to be inspired just when I saw a corner of my rented space telling me that I am rotting away.

I am so tired.  I’ve been preserving everything.  From my family to my relationship with Dylan, everything hangs at a sensitive balance.  It’s so sensitive that I can’t have anything disrupt it.  But then again, there’s a pest in the corner of my rented room.  The cheap rented room, close to work, managed to gather more disgrace by harboring an unwanted neighbor.  Now, I have to call someone to get rid of the pest.  Another thick wad of money down the drain, another problem that needed solving, another thing that needed balancing.

There are days when I feel like I’m way in over my head, that I bit more than I can chew on this one.  I don’t think I’ve ever been this exhausted.  I sometimes wake up in the middle of the night and just want to throw up.  I eat a full meal and after reading about credit standards and delegated authorized credit limits, I just want to hurl.  I don’t know if there’s any space left for me, for my sanity.  I don’t know if there’s any space left period.

Three months left, and all the late nights, all the paperwork, all the missed birthdays, all the missed family trips, all the arguments, they’re all on me.  And I just feel like hurling, like throwing up, so I can make space.  Throw up so I can at least get a bit of elbow room.  Throw up so I can get to the phone and get someone to get rid of that neighboring pest.

Everything has to be balanced.  Just three months left.  I just have to have everything balanced in the next three months.  After that, they can all fly up in the air and be in perfect chaos again.