Of course, I’m missing out.

July 30, 2010 / iamsupercarla / Leave a comment

Of course, I feel that way everyday. I look at my Facebook friends, and see the faces I haven’t seen since grade school. And they’re all abroad or in their swanky new apartment/condo or with their new baby or on a trip with their loving husband. They are everywhere and I am just here. And sometimes, I am beginning to think I haven’t seized as much opportunities as I should have.

2004, I went to the US. Could have easily applied for a film scholarship there. Could have easily looked for a writing internship and applied to convert my tourist visa to student. Could have easily inquired about sponsorship and worked there. But no. I went back.

Then, there’s meeting Epy Quizon, who hinted about “pursuing passions early”. Could have headed to MOWELFUND right after that interview. Could have headed to UPFI for an application. Could have headed to LVN or Viva or Star and inquired about a possible internship. But no. I just went back to school.

Worked for Eat Bulaga for almost a year as a commentator/critic. Met the entire cast and crew. Met directors. Writers. Producers. Worked side by side with the veterans of the entertainment business. Could have easily pushed for a better job. Could have easily pushed for more writing gigs. Could have easily kissed ass in hopes of being part of their immediate circle. But no. I just went about my day, working from one paper to another, being invisible.

So yeah. I have a lot of reasons to feel that everything good is happening somewhere else. Because the supposed good things that should be happening to me, I just let them all pass me by. So there. Here I am, wishing for a good thing to come by. Then maybe, if I’m brave enough, I get to be the good thing other people wish happened to them.

The lack of apathy

July 20, 2010 / iamsupercarla / Leave a comment

I hate the fact that I teared up seeing them dead by the sea.

I hate the fact that I always see your face.

I hate that I know you need flats and stretch pants.

I hate that people are just cold.

And that hate flows freely in me.

And I hate that I am not apathetic.

Because I know that I am comfortable just being hateful.

Now, enter cue music.

I heart shorts

July 17, 2010 / iamsupercarla / 1 Comment

For the past week, PNoy has reprimanded PAG-ASA for not giving the right forecast for the weather. I can’t really blame him. He said what everyone has been saying for years: Parati na lang ganito. Nonetheless, grace has to be maintained. Although the winds were scarily wild, we all went to work that day, and even took a quiz at the end of the day. Nice. Not.

Because I wasn’t able to go to the beach, I suddenly have this longing for shorts. All kinds. Drawstring, high-waist, denim, cut-offs, ruched. All kinds. It really felt like summer just flew by my nose. Wasn’t even able to get wet. Then, I just can’t stop looking at shorts.

I’ve only just begun appreciating the flexibility of shorts. Throw on a blazer and already you’re a rock star.

Go all neutral and adopt shades of taupe and beige, wear a chiffon top, cinch that waist, and voila. You’re ready for a coffee date.

Another good thing about shorts is how easily you can create a contrast and a play of colors. Take a look at this blue-white-red ensemble. You can go anywhere in this. Well, prolly not at the opera, but you know what I mean.

And here are some more styles you will definitely fall in love with. Nothing accentuates legs more than shorts. :)

Oh crap. Now, I have to shop. :)

There was something artsy and fartsy in that small room

July 16, 2010July 16, 2010 / iamsupercarla / Leave a comment

After the Cinemalaya masturbation (or rather before that), I went in their gift shoppe. I don’t remember the last time I actually bought a souvenir for an event or a place I’ve attended or been to. So I went ahead and bought three pins. I just don’t know where I am supposed to use them because right after purchasing them, I remembered that my company stifles creativity when it comes to office attire and decorum. We’re not even entitled to casual Fridays yet, coz we’re still trainees. Either way, I’m happy I got them.

I guess I wanted to make sure I still have my creativity in my hands. Or at least it is still reflected in my choices. Sometimes, it feels like all I’ve been making are bad choices. It’s good to know that sometimes, I make good ones.

I got sad. For a while, I got really sad. Because I realized that I am very upset and disappointed. I realized how upset I was, I realized how angry I was. It happened when I was sitting on the train to Cubao, with half my things in tow, preparing for a meeting that wouldn’t happen. It happened when I realized I would rather commute all the way to Quezon City than see your face.

I would rather endure discomfort than be reminded that you, the person I have cared for more than I cared for myself my entire life, refuse to see how you have hurt me. And how you have left me when I actually needed you. And how you made it seem about your God forsaken situation. And how you chose to not apologize. And how you can just go on without apologizing.

It disappoints me because I thought we were more than that. It disappoints me because I’m the only one who can see where I stand. I am forced to understand you because they think kulang ka, they think you’re the one who needs more understanding. I, who have held you on high esteem, who have defended your critical thinking, am the one left biting the dust that should not have been there in the first place.

Too bad, so sad. Moving on now. If you’re doing it, then I’m doing it too. No need to go back to something that used to exist. There is a reason why it doesn’t exist anymore. Oh well.

That’s all. Kthxbye.

Old songs bring me back to life

July 10, 2010December 26, 2013 / iamsupercarla / 2 Comments

So this past week was very triumphant. My partner Vicky and I went and explored Cabatuan, Iloilo and discovered the silence of the people there. And by silent I mean really silent. Their quiet demeanor spoke volumes, and sometimes became very hard to interpret. Nonetheless, we enjoyed our stay and could not be more thankful to be back in Manila.

This is Cabatuan’s famous church, San Nicolas de Tolentino. Picturesque isn’t it?

I received a lot of good news this week. I am so close to thinking that my luck is just about to run out. I am so blessed, it’s sickening. It kind of makes me think what I did to deserve such good fortune.

Then I went home and showered to this song. I almost forgot how haunting this song is, and how it spoke to me when I first heard it in high school.