employment

I’m looking at the bright side and balancing the whole thing

/ iamsupercarla / 4 Comments

So here’s what happened lately.

  • Just finished the Treasury module.  It has to be the fastest module I’ve ever had (or at least so far) because it only lasted 28 days.
  • Final exams suck!  It was a flurry of confused and mismatched answers to questions I obviously know the answer to but because I actually studied passionately, I overanalyzed everything and well, the rest is the rest.
  • The bourse game was much more enjoyable than expected.
  • Our group became the highest gainer!  Profit of 96M baby!
  • Our group rocked the presentation.  Unrehearsed.  Completely unrehearsed.  But there was no downtime, no pauses, no nothing.  Just smooth sailing presentation of results.
  • Our group got the best score ever:  1.

Judging by those events, I bet you can tell that I’ve been having a good kick off to this other half of the module.  What’s funny though is how I’ve performed in treasury is the complete opposite of how I’ve performed in finance.  Tiger was right; I can start strong again.  *relish feel good moment here*

Credit module started just this week.  Quite grueling on the onset since from the looks of it, this will be our office delegation once we finish the program, notwithstanding the fact that you have to memorize 85% of everything so you can use them in application, which is about 15%.  It’s all about rules and policies and guidelines now, given that this talks about the money the bank could be raking in.  I hope to survive this one better than my treasury survival.  *insert meditation pose here*

And although this weekend basically sucked because I cancelled a beach trip for a family trip that never materialized, I’m still happy.  My brothers seemed to be more clingy than usual, and indulged my fancies by asking me to help them shop for their clothes.  Five hours later, we ended up with numerous shopping bags, 19 purchased items and a bill of less than 5,000.  You gotta love end of season sales. :)

I am looking forward to a trip with the circle to Mindoro.  I bet that would be a blast.  It’s going to be my first ever out of town trip with people that are not my family.  Hahahaha.  I know it’s so loser-ish for me to declare it like that, but what can I say?  The truth bug bit me and its venom seeped through my veins.  Now, I just have to lose 10 pounds in about 4 weeks and I believe I’ll be okay. :)

 

Kicking off the week is a great kick off.

/ iamsupercarla / 2 Comments

I took a trip down memory lane and decided to reread all of the little things we were able to collect on PACE.  Apparently, I was (am?) that nice.  People really seemed to genuinely like me.  I can feel them changing their mind though.  Hahaha.

One of the notes read, "Your CONGRATULATIONS! never fail to lift my spirits and boost my confidence."  Looking back, I don’t know why I stopped saying that.  It used to make me feel better too.  I don’t remember when was the last time I said it.  In one of my old notes, it read that the phrase made me feel like I am cheering my peers on, and that in turn, I cheer myself on.  It gave the much needed boost and laughter that most of us tend to forget, especially when buried with inches  and inches of reading.

Somewhere along the way, I believe the word just lost its meaning and its effect on people.  It started to appear and sound shallow, and most of the time, quite undeserved, even if people refuse to admit it.  I think I still say that from time to time, but the lack of frequency showed just when it should be heard — when you actually worked hard for it.  

There are a lot of baby notes here.  One even thanked me for being a cheesy friend that never failed to make him happy and comfortable.  One thanked me for my ability to listen intently to their stories, encouraging them to speak more.  One thanked cigarettes (oh my I wonder who that is LOL) for giving us time to bond.  One flattered me the most:  that I am the glue that holds everyone together.  *insert tear here*

I think I’ve forgotten how well I was doing.  I think I got scared with the things I didn’t initially know, so it hampered my ability to absorb what was being taught.  I made myself weak because from the looks of it, I started strong.

So maybe, I should say CONGRATULATIONS more.


The cactus I got from Baguio after our PACE workshop.
Yes it is still very much alive. 

Unusual learning medium

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 Stress did not even lessen as the days passed.  I can’t even wrap my head around the idea that by the end of the week, I am educated in math, accounting and financial analysis.  I cannot even say "more educated" because I was not educated in the first place.  I thought one of the primary reasons why I took up liberal arts and broadcast journalism is because of it’s almost being completely devoid of math and arithmetics.  Then, I get here, the right place in my life right now, the right career path after a long three years, and I face the things I have come to fear the most.

It’s quite overwhelming; learning all these things is really taking a toll on me.  Then again, everything about this training program is taking a toll on me.  Most mornings, i wake up and stare in space, wondering how the hell did I get here.  Am I here because my parents wanted me to? Am I here because I have nowhere else to go?  Am I here because I am supposed to be here?  Sometimes, it’s still hard to imagine how hard I’ve pushed myself just to get an average grade.  I’ve never been average.  I can’t help feeling mediocre.  I can’t help feeling insecure.

The good part about this week is Patrick’s constant sharing with his current infatuation.  I don’t know if I should even label it as infatuation, since he seems to be seriously pursuing this one.  I like the fact that I have found a confidante in him; I like the fact that I too have become a keeper of his secrets.  The best part about his current flame?  It reminded me of mine.

I didn’t realize how much I’ve taken Dylan for granted until I heard Patrick talk about his flame.  The short calls, relishing the voice on the other line, can’t wait to text, can’t wait to reply and the unwipe-able smile across the face… it’s been a while since I’ve exhibited a minute level of enthusiasm when it comes to my partner of almost four years.  I refuse to believe that I have gotten weary when it comes to my relationship.  So, when the family went to do the grocery, I picked up this fantastic postcard off Carabao Island in Romblon.  It made me realize that this is the one thing we haven’t done:  go out of town.

I wish we can find the time to actually do it.  I don’t think there hasn’t been an opportunity for us to completely detach ourselves from life’s realities.  I don’t know when we can find the time to do so.  Whenever that may take place, I am sure that I only want to share that view with him.  I miss him.  I miss us.

Lately, he’s been spending more time with me.  I like it.  It means he’s more in control of his schedule.  It means he can cope with his schedule better.  It means I am getting better in time management.  It means we’re working on our relationship.  It means our relationship works.  And to actually say that out loud — and put it in print — makes me feel very good and hopeful of the future that is in store for us.

I love us.  I love us.

Disappointments come in all shapes and sizes.

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I received my presentation/defense grade the other day, and I couldn’t be more disappointed.  I cannot believe I got a grade that’s so low.  It’s not even at par with the deposits and clients I was able to gather.  I don’t understand where I went wrong.  According to the facilitator, I had a high mark for marketing.  So that means, I got a low mark for my suggested improvements in the branch.

I don’t understand why they would give me a low mark for suggesting hiring more people.  Isn’t that what you do when you’re expanding?  Isn’t that what you do when you plan to make service your number one product?  Isn’t that what you need when you aim to be better?  Isn’t that what you need when you are for development?  They berated me for suggesting something  that won’t be cost-effective to the company.  Why would you see additional service as an added cost?  Isn’t that supposed to be an added value? 

I cannot believe how conservative they are.  They plan to become one of the premiere corporations in the country, they plan to add quality and prestige to their name, they plan to be in the service of the Filipino, but they’re not going to pay for it?  Ano yon?  Birthright?  Noynoy, ikaw ba yan?

There’s just something about getting what you don’t deserve.  I worked hard for the past module.  I really did.  I worked my butt off, related to every single person I can relate to, became "feeling close", became "too close for comfort", I did my thing.  Research, study, market.  And just because you don’t agree with my manner of suggesting a VITAL improvement, you give me this?  Excuse you.  Excuse you very much.

Changing topics now.

Dylan was so nice to have joined me for dinner with friends last Friday.  I can tell he wasn’t having a good time, and that he was having a hard time trying to relate to them.  But he didn’t leave.  Neither did he try to corner me and box me to himself.  I am beginning to think again, that I have been given another reason to love him more.

And yes, that is my feeble attempt to end this entry with a high note.

Finally, it’s over and done with.

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January 8 was the last day of Module 300.  I had a hard time believing that I was the last person to present, but then again, I am the one with the meekest ability to hold my tongue.  These lessons and presentations are constantly testing my emotional quotient.  I can’t say I am enjoying it, but I can definitely feel the improvement.

My outfit for the day

The happy hour started around 8 when we arrived in the Training Center for the hats off party.


With Anj and her feather headband
With the NCR crew (L-R:  Neil, Jerome, Allan, Moi, Moksy with the fab fedora, Rayrand, Anj and Ranna)
Missing in picture:  Aldrich and Patrick

 

It was game night, and we competed with HR.  And we kicked their ass.  YES.
All in all, it was allllll good.  But the best part  was when they all decided to stick around and wait for my birthday (January 9).  I am so blessed to have made such good friends with these people.  I can never forget them.My birthday would have to be one of my longest days.  And quietest.  I enjoyed my alone time, and my time with my family.

It is always the simplest days that turn out to be one of the greatest.  Tonight, I will sleep with a full heart.I wish you the same.